If sex was good, healthy and frequent before your husband was deployed to Afghanistan, and sex is now described by you as:
- infrequent
- he never initiates
- he complains (you are too wet, making him feel bad)
- he is losing his erection
- he does not have an orgasm
- he is unable/unwilling to discuss this issue (turns it back onto you, saying you are "nagging")
- he is able to communicate that he is not as interested in sex
...then it sounds like the culprit may have been related either his deployment (what happened before, during, after) or some type of differing expectations from both/either of you upon his return home.
Please know that you need to somewhat separate yourself emotionally from these comments, in the way you are using them. Only you can let another person's comment "kill you inside" and "kill your confidence" and "break your heart"...this may not be about you at all, and by making these grandiose statements, the problem does become about you, instead of identifying the cause to find a solution. Of course, this effects you and involves you, but you might not be the problem or cause. Bottom line: don't let the words kill you emotionally; focus instead on finding a solution so that he is not also burdened by the guilt of "killing" you emotionally.
Your husband has been able to communicate that he is not as interested. His body has shown you that it is not able to keep an erection, nor climax. These are all changes since he has come back home. He is also feeling guilty, and either using deflection (saying you are too wet, and is a turnoff for him) or blame (you nag him) as tactics to avoid the real situation.
The real situation is that he may need to talk with a counselor about what happened in Afghanistan, how he has changed, how this life event has changed his perspective on his wants and needs in life, what his future holds. He may be unable to emotionally connect in the same way, and his body is reflecting this change (erectile dysfunction). Couples counseling may also be helpful, but learning more about ED can be your first step in understanding what may/may not be going on with your husband. I am not sure if he has ED, but knowing that most sexual dysfunction is caused by psychological or emotional issues/trauma, or physical injuries, can be helpful in getting past the blame and hurt...and finding a solution. Please talk with him about seeing a therapist, either alone or separately, and you can read more about sexual dysfunction in men: https://www.empowher.com/media/reference/impotence.
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If sex was good, healthy and frequent before your husband was deployed to Afghanistan, and sex is now described by you as:
- infrequent
- he never initiates
- he complains (you are too wet, making him feel bad)
- he is losing his erection
- he does not have an orgasm
- he is unable/unwilling to discuss this issue (turns it back onto you, saying you are "nagging")
- he is able to communicate that he is not as interested in sex
...then it sounds like the culprit may have been related either his deployment (what happened before, during, after) or some type of differing expectations from both/either of you upon his return home.
Please know that you need to somewhat separate yourself emotionally from these comments, in the way you are using them. Only you can let another person's comment "kill you inside" and "kill your confidence" and "break your heart"...this may not be about you at all, and by making these grandiose statements, the problem does become about you, instead of identifying the cause to find a solution. Of course, this effects you and involves you, but you might not be the problem or cause. Bottom line: don't let the words kill you emotionally; focus instead on finding a solution so that he is not also burdened by the guilt of "killing" you emotionally.
Your husband has been able to communicate that he is not as interested. His body has shown you that it is not able to keep an erection, nor climax. These are all changes since he has come back home. He is also feeling guilty, and either using deflection (saying you are too wet, and is a turnoff for him) or blame (you nag him) as tactics to avoid the real situation.
The real situation is that he may need to talk with a counselor about what happened in Afghanistan, how he has changed, how this life event has changed his perspective on his wants and needs in life, what his future holds. He may be unable to emotionally connect in the same way, and his body is reflecting this change (erectile dysfunction). Couples counseling may also be helpful, but learning more about ED can be your first step in understanding what may/may not be going on with your husband. I am not sure if he has ED, but knowing that most sexual dysfunction is caused by psychological or emotional issues/trauma, or physical injuries, can be helpful in getting past the blame and hurt...and finding a solution. Please talk with him about seeing a therapist, either alone or separately, and you can read more about sexual dysfunction in men: https://www.empowher.com/media/reference/impotence.
April 3, 2011 - 6:53pmThis Comment
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