It can be tricky to find the right therapist...but there are many great choices! It is important to call at least three different therapists to talk with them about their philosophy, type of therapy, and get a "feel" for someone who connect with. You aren't looking for a friend...but you do need to feel that you trust this person and have some basic connection as far as communication and dialogue.
(Hint: my husband and I went to marriage counseling to help us with some communication issues, and I did all the research, narrowed the list to three therapists, and let my husband choose from the list of 3 so we both had ownership and could not "blame" each other if one of us did not like the therapist...we chose him/her as a team).
To begin your search, you can try the AAFMT (American Association o f Family and Marital Therapists), who have an online therapist locator: http://www.therapistlocator.net/. You can narrow down your search by the therapist's physical location, expertise/specialization, credentials, gender (if you/your husband have a preference). Most of the therapists also have a website that you can review.
I am not sure what it matters if he masturbated or not; that sounds like an unfair question to ask an adult! Most men masturbate, and this is perfectly healthy and normal...in fact, I would worry if he did NOT masturbate, as that could indicate more of a sexual problem (lack of sexual impulses) than if he did. Asking him this question would definitely put him on the defensive, and back him into a corner, and create some guilt and distrust...why is it your concern what he does with his own body?
If you are questioning his faithfulness, this is completely different and something that you do have a right to ask.
There are many reasons someone would lack sexual interest and desire, and mis-communication and lack-of-trust between partners can be major causes. It is great that you both would be willing (I assume) to talk with a therapist, who can help bring back the communication (even if the discussion is about a difficult topic).
Have you ever considered that you also likely changed over the year that he was deployed? I could only imagine how you each have grown over a year (one would hope!), and it might take some time for your new selves to get to know each other again. I hope you two can be patient, learn to trust and communicate honestly, and a therapist can help guide you both. I wish you the best!
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It can be tricky to find the right therapist...but there are many great choices! It is important to call at least three different therapists to talk with them about their philosophy, type of therapy, and get a "feel" for someone who connect with. You aren't looking for a friend...but you do need to feel that you trust this person and have some basic connection as far as communication and dialogue.
(Hint: my husband and I went to marriage counseling to help us with some communication issues, and I did all the research, narrowed the list to three therapists, and let my husband choose from the list of 3 so we both had ownership and could not "blame" each other if one of us did not like the therapist...we chose him/her as a team).
To begin your search, you can try the AAFMT (American Association o f Family and Marital Therapists), who have an online therapist locator: http://www.therapistlocator.net/. You can narrow down your search by the therapist's physical location, expertise/specialization, credentials, gender (if you/your husband have a preference). Most of the therapists also have a website that you can review.
I am not sure what it matters if he masturbated or not; that sounds like an unfair question to ask an adult! Most men masturbate, and this is perfectly healthy and normal...in fact, I would worry if he did NOT masturbate, as that could indicate more of a sexual problem (lack of sexual impulses) than if he did. Asking him this question would definitely put him on the defensive, and back him into a corner, and create some guilt and distrust...why is it your concern what he does with his own body?
If you are questioning his faithfulness, this is completely different and something that you do have a right to ask.
There are many reasons someone would lack sexual interest and desire, and mis-communication and lack-of-trust between partners can be major causes. It is great that you both would be willing (I assume) to talk with a therapist, who can help bring back the communication (even if the discussion is about a difficult topic).
Have you ever considered that you also likely changed over the year that he was deployed? I could only imagine how you each have grown over a year (one would hope!), and it might take some time for your new selves to get to know each other again. I hope you two can be patient, learn to trust and communicate honestly, and a therapist can help guide you both. I wish you the best!
April 5, 2011 - 9:21amThis Comment
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