I hope you know that you aren't alone and many of us have walked your path. It feels awful to become pushed down by this control and abuse but the best news is that you know something is amiss and you realize you are meant for more. I would quietly work on getting my affairs in order, find a lawyer to consult with, a therapist who can support you and any friends or family who can lend a helping hand or sympathetic ear. My ex-husband was verbally abusive and then after a few pushes I realized that physical was next and he absolutely refused to work with me. I took the kids and pets and left - at the time I owned a marketing agency that was doing well. In the next three years that followed he sued me for everything I had and I ended up closing my company and then he sued me again so I had to pay him off for the next 12 years. It wasn't fair and it was awful but I didn't care b/c I was out and the kids and I were ok. There are thousands of stories like mine and all of us started with a step forward to say 'enough'. You have to reach the point where the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving - then you will have the energy and determination to leave and heal. It sounds like you are there and you know that this won't change. He certainly isn't going to change anything b/c this situation is working for HIM and not FOR you. If you can remember that he is putting you down to control you, that will help. You can't logically argue with someone that is illogical, so save your energy for moving yourself forward. When my ex-husband told me he didn't like the 'way I walked' I remember thinking 'how the hell can I change that?' - and then I read everything I could get my hands on about abuse and I worked hard to figure out how I got in this mess of a situation and I left. You can do this, you are already thinking it through and reaching out - no need to share your next steps with him b/c he will only push you back and argue you out of moving forward. We are your cheerleading team so go for it and know that we are all here. I have some articles and other resources for managing verbal and emotional abuse i you want them, send me your email and I will get them to you. Hang in there sweetie, the best is yet to come:)))
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I hope you know that you aren't alone and many of us have walked your path. It feels awful to become pushed down by this control and abuse but the best news is that you know something is amiss and you realize you are meant for more. I would quietly work on getting my affairs in order, find a lawyer to consult with, a therapist who can support you and any friends or family who can lend a helping hand or sympathetic ear. My ex-husband was verbally abusive and then after a few pushes I realized that physical was next and he absolutely refused to work with me. I took the kids and pets and left - at the time I owned a marketing agency that was doing well. In the next three years that followed he sued me for everything I had and I ended up closing my company and then he sued me again so I had to pay him off for the next 12 years. It wasn't fair and it was awful but I didn't care b/c I was out and the kids and I were ok. There are thousands of stories like mine and all of us started with a step forward to say 'enough'. You have to reach the point where the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving - then you will have the energy and determination to leave and heal. It sounds like you are there and you know that this won't change. He certainly isn't going to change anything b/c this situation is working for HIM and not FOR you. If you can remember that he is putting you down to control you, that will help. You can't logically argue with someone that is illogical, so save your energy for moving yourself forward. When my ex-husband told me he didn't like the 'way I walked' I remember thinking 'how the hell can I change that?' - and then I read everything I could get my hands on about abuse and I worked hard to figure out how I got in this mess of a situation and I left. You can do this, you are already thinking it through and reaching out - no need to share your next steps with him b/c he will only push you back and argue you out of moving forward. We are your cheerleading team so go for it and know that we are all here. I have some articles and other resources for managing verbal and emotional abuse i you want them, send me your email and I will get them to you. Hang in there sweetie, the best is yet to come:)))
February 1, 2016 - 12:02pmThis Comment
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