I am currently in an emotionally abusive relationship. For years my amazing family has asked me to stick up for myself and leave. I always defended his behavior because I thought I deserved to be treated that way, because he convinced me I did. Recently, I hit my breaking point as the abuse became more constant. I considered suicide and almost followed through. I believed what he told me, I was worthless, a bad mom, a horrible house keeper, and an even worse wife. Thanksgiving, as I bought the sleeping pills to kill myself with, I realized I needed help. On Monday, I went to the doctor and she put me on Zoloft. It changed my life. I started to see what was happening as though I was an outsider. I saw what so many had for so many years. I was just so depressed, I was blind.
After a good tongue lashing about something completely out of my control, I called my dad. I told him what had happened and asked what I should do. He told me to leave. I had heard it so many times but for the first time I realized that the pain of leaving was less than the pain of staying. So I cut myself off from my husband and started silently planning my exit. I spoke to him in single word phrases and took all the abuse for a week in silence. Each time it reminded me of why I was leaving. And then he (cause he goes through all my personal things) found that I was shopping for a less expensive car, and he finally realized I was going to leave. He begged me to stay. Admitted to the abuse (although he still says it started because of something I did) and vowed to change. Since then he has been a whole of a hell lot nicer to me, but he still tries to control me when he's insecure or when he's angry. I told myself when we started "trying" again that I would give him a full 3 months to adjust his behavior. After only 2 weeks, I'm considering leaving now. It's not like he did anything new or unexpected (just passive agressive manipulation), but I think that I can no longer trust him with my heart. I cannot let the abuse go. And even if he does change, I don't think I can forget. Anyone out there keep trying and actually succeed?
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I am currently in an emotionally abusive relationship. For years my amazing family has asked me to stick up for myself and leave. I always defended his behavior because I thought I deserved to be treated that way, because he convinced me I did. Recently, I hit my breaking point as the abuse became more constant. I considered suicide and almost followed through. I believed what he told me, I was worthless, a bad mom, a horrible house keeper, and an even worse wife. Thanksgiving, as I bought the sleeping pills to kill myself with, I realized I needed help. On Monday, I went to the doctor and she put me on Zoloft. It changed my life. I started to see what was happening as though I was an outsider. I saw what so many had for so many years. I was just so depressed, I was blind.
After a good tongue lashing about something completely out of my control, I called my dad. I told him what had happened and asked what I should do. He told me to leave. I had heard it so many times but for the first time I realized that the pain of leaving was less than the pain of staying. So I cut myself off from my husband and started silently planning my exit. I spoke to him in single word phrases and took all the abuse for a week in silence. Each time it reminded me of why I was leaving. And then he (cause he goes through all my personal things) found that I was shopping for a less expensive car, and he finally realized I was going to leave. He begged me to stay. Admitted to the abuse (although he still says it started because of something I did) and vowed to change. Since then he has been a whole of a hell lot nicer to me, but he still tries to control me when he's insecure or when he's angry. I told myself when we started "trying" again that I would give him a full 3 months to adjust his behavior. After only 2 weeks, I'm considering leaving now. It's not like he did anything new or unexpected (just passive agressive manipulation), but I think that I can no longer trust him with my heart. I cannot let the abuse go. And even if he does change, I don't think I can forget. Anyone out there keep trying and actually succeed?
February 10, 2016 - 11:07amThis Comment
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