Hi All, I'm very new to all this. I'm 28 years of age been in my relationship with my partner for 11 years, married for one year. He has always shown signs of being controlling and aggressive at times; losing his temper, shouting and I'm fairly passive/calm. He lost his dad to cancer 2 months before we were due to be married. He is grieving for his dad but I am emotionally exhausted having walked on egg shells and losing my identity from a young age. I am supporting him the best I can, but have no more left to give. I do love him but also realise that our relationship isn't as healthy as I like to believe it is. He is the main breadwinner, I just dropped out of work to be with him as he has mild depression and has isolated himself, becoming reclusive. I don't know what to do. Do I support my husband at a time when he needs me most and continue on as we are or take some space/time out for me. I've been unhappy for a long time, he only focuses on himself and his job. He rarely listens to me or plays down what I say. I used to think this was our cultural differences - he is Russian I am British. I'm at such a crossroads, unemployed, no money, no friends, my family are great but worry all the time so I tend to not share too much. There's never been physical abuse only emotional. He also cheated on me after the death of his dad. He came home crying, apologising profusely but damage has been done. I don't trust him much and haven't done all these years.
I want him to just be what I need and crave, but nothing is changing. I'm becoming numb to hurting him with what I say, he's one of the most sensitive people I know. He's dad was abusive to his mum both physical and verbal. He may have learned this behaviour. It's all really sad and I'm lost, I know I probably need to leave but I do love him and care for him deeply. I see his emotional issues and how he may need me. I want to help him change and be better but don't have the energy or patience left anymore.
Comment Reply
Hi All, I'm very new to all this. I'm 28 years of age been in my relationship with my partner for 11 years, married for one year. He has always shown signs of being controlling and aggressive at times; losing his temper, shouting and I'm fairly passive/calm. He lost his dad to cancer 2 months before we were due to be married. He is grieving for his dad but I am emotionally exhausted having walked on egg shells and losing my identity from a young age. I am supporting him the best I can, but have no more left to give. I do love him but also realise that our relationship isn't as healthy as I like to believe it is. He is the main breadwinner, I just dropped out of work to be with him as he has mild depression and has isolated himself, becoming reclusive. I don't know what to do. Do I support my husband at a time when he needs me most and continue on as we are or take some space/time out for me. I've been unhappy for a long time, he only focuses on himself and his job. He rarely listens to me or plays down what I say. I used to think this was our cultural differences - he is Russian I am British. I'm at such a crossroads, unemployed, no money, no friends, my family are great but worry all the time so I tend to not share too much. There's never been physical abuse only emotional. He also cheated on me after the death of his dad. He came home crying, apologising profusely but damage has been done. I don't trust him much and haven't done all these years.
I want him to just be what I need and crave, but nothing is changing. I'm becoming numb to hurting him with what I say, he's one of the most sensitive people I know. He's dad was abusive to his mum both physical and verbal. He may have learned this behaviour. It's all really sad and I'm lost, I know I probably need to leave but I do love him and care for him deeply. I see his emotional issues and how he may need me. I want to help him change and be better but don't have the energy or patience left anymore.
April 2, 2016 - 3:07pmThis Comment
Reply