Hello I could really be doing with some help and advice. I have been together with my husband 9 years and married for 3 and half years. We have a 2 and half year old daughter. I believe my husband is very interfering with me and can be controlling. I have wanted to end things for over a year now but when I said I was going to leave he threatened me by saying I am not taking our daughter and if I want to leave that’s my choice but this is her home so she is staying there. This is why I am still here. I plucked the courage to go and see citizens advice yesterday and I told them everything, gave them examples of how he is with me. A recent example being: we are invited to a wedding in July (day and night) my daughter will be a flower girl during the day but after the day I wanted to drop her back off at my mums as she offered to babysit her on the night. But I knew mentioning this to my husband would be impossible, past experience when I would suggest things that I want to do which he doesn’t agree with. So I thought I need to bring it up as it is drawing closer to the wedding, I said to him we haven’t really sorted transport for my daughter (Mollie) back to my mums yet. He had a quick answer being ‘get your brother to do it he won’t mind he is family’ I said ‘no it is not my nature to ask others to do things for me so I honestly don’t mind dropping her off to get her settled in and I can freshen up before the evening reception’ and his answer was ‘no, you can’t drop her off as you will be on the Vino during the day and it would ruin your day’ I replied ‘I am honestly not bothered about drink during the day my priority is my daughter so I want to drop her off’ he stood quiet, walked into the kitchen preparing tea, obviously thinking what to say to me next. He comes back in room and says ‘I have an idea, I will ask my friend Scott he won’t mind dropping her off as he will be at wedding with his partner but he doesn’t drink’ I said ‘Lewis, I have told you what is happening I want to drop my daughter off myself, it is not my nature to hassle other people it is our child we should deal with it ourselves’ to which he raised his voice and shouted ‘FINE, DO WHAT YOU WANT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THEN’. That was his last words and we didn’t speak for 5 whole days. I think that one liner will stay with me forever. I questioned myself does he honestly believe I shouldn’t be doing what I want or pleasing myself? Bearing in mind he is the father of our child and he never once offered to drop her off himself because his priorities are alcohol during the day. I asked him why he said this to me, I said it’s not normal I feel I can’t open my mouth and he wants his way or nothing at all. He said there’s nothing wrong with having my opinion and if you have problems with what I have said maybe you would be better off single…
Citizens advice listened to this example and a few others and they said ‘this may shock you but these are signs of emotional abuse and he is very controlling over you’ to which I burst into tears. My worry is how can I leave him without having him take control of when he sees our daughter and how often because he is very stubborn and he will want his own way there is no reasoning with him I am scared I will have no say once again and I also don't want him to be controlling over her because he can be, he once suggested to starve her so she will eat new foods she was only 1 year old. please someone help. I read that he has as much control over when he sees our daughter as I do? is this true? I am at my whits end.
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Hello I could really be doing with some help and advice. I have been together with my husband 9 years and married for 3 and half years. We have a 2 and half year old daughter. I believe my husband is very interfering with me and can be controlling. I have wanted to end things for over a year now but when I said I was going to leave he threatened me by saying I am not taking our daughter and if I want to leave that’s my choice but this is her home so she is staying there. This is why I am still here. I plucked the courage to go and see citizens advice yesterday and I told them everything, gave them examples of how he is with me. A recent example being: we are invited to a wedding in July (day and night) my daughter will be a flower girl during the day but after the day I wanted to drop her back off at my mums as she offered to babysit her on the night. But I knew mentioning this to my husband would be impossible, past experience when I would suggest things that I want to do which he doesn’t agree with. So I thought I need to bring it up as it is drawing closer to the wedding, I said to him we haven’t really sorted transport for my daughter (Mollie) back to my mums yet. He had a quick answer being ‘get your brother to do it he won’t mind he is family’ I said ‘no it is not my nature to ask others to do things for me so I honestly don’t mind dropping her off to get her settled in and I can freshen up before the evening reception’ and his answer was ‘no, you can’t drop her off as you will be on the Vino during the day and it would ruin your day’ I replied ‘I am honestly not bothered about drink during the day my priority is my daughter so I want to drop her off’ he stood quiet, walked into the kitchen preparing tea, obviously thinking what to say to me next. He comes back in room and says ‘I have an idea, I will ask my friend Scott he won’t mind dropping her off as he will be at wedding with his partner but he doesn’t drink’ I said ‘Lewis, I have told you what is happening I want to drop my daughter off myself, it is not my nature to hassle other people it is our child we should deal with it ourselves’ to which he raised his voice and shouted ‘FINE, DO WHAT YOU WANT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THEN’. That was his last words and we didn’t speak for 5 whole days. I think that one liner will stay with me forever. I questioned myself does he honestly believe I shouldn’t be doing what I want or pleasing myself? Bearing in mind he is the father of our child and he never once offered to drop her off himself because his priorities are alcohol during the day. I asked him why he said this to me, I said it’s not normal I feel I can’t open my mouth and he wants his way or nothing at all. He said there’s nothing wrong with having my opinion and if you have problems with what I have said maybe you would be better off single…
May 25, 2016 - 5:28amCitizens advice listened to this example and a few others and they said ‘this may shock you but these are signs of emotional abuse and he is very controlling over you’ to which I burst into tears. My worry is how can I leave him without having him take control of when he sees our daughter and how often because he is very stubborn and he will want his own way there is no reasoning with him I am scared I will have no say once again and I also don't want him to be controlling over her because he can be, he once suggested to starve her so she will eat new foods she was only 1 year old. please someone help. I read that he has as much control over when he sees our daughter as I do? is this true? I am at my whits end.
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