I, too, thought "There are plenty of resources" to help me cope/leave an abusive marriage. To the casual observer, there appear to be plenty. The time required to track down and evaluate them, in secret, while living in fear, is substantial. After my emotinally abusive husband strangled me, in the presence of our 5-year old daughter, I met with a counselor the Family Violence Project refered me to. She listened to my story, then asked if I'd ever taken the Myers-Briggs assessment. I sounded like a "TMJ" and, my husband like an "XYZ". This combination "seldom, if ever, works" (I don't recall the exact acronyms, but you get the idea). This was the start of years of searching/weeding out the "plenty of resources". Eventually, we divorced (final judgement, after 2 years, is still pending). After a 2-day trial, the judge ruled that our 9-year old daughter live with her abusive, alcholic (convicted of an OUI the previous year, after flipping his car) father during the school year. I supported him through grad school, plus 6 years of unemployment while he looked for a "worthy" job, then resigned from my career to spend 8 years as a full-time Mom. My legal fees exceeded 30K. The "plenty of resources" failed me; I had to rely on the generosity of my family, support of my friends and one, fabulous, therapist (she was the 4th I'd seen, and finally someone who understood what I had been going through).
Although it's been an arduos process, every day I'm grateful that I escaped this marriage. Yes, I'll continue to fight to gain primary custody of our daughter.
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I, too, thought "There are plenty of resources" to help me cope/leave an abusive marriage. To the casual observer, there appear to be plenty. The time required to track down and evaluate them, in secret, while living in fear, is substantial. After my emotinally abusive husband strangled me, in the presence of our 5-year old daughter, I met with a counselor the Family Violence Project refered me to. She listened to my story, then asked if I'd ever taken the Myers-Briggs assessment. I sounded like a "TMJ" and, my husband like an "XYZ". This combination "seldom, if ever, works" (I don't recall the exact acronyms, but you get the idea). This was the start of years of searching/weeding out the "plenty of resources". Eventually, we divorced (final judgement, after 2 years, is still pending). After a 2-day trial, the judge ruled that our 9-year old daughter live with her abusive, alcholic (convicted of an OUI the previous year, after flipping his car) father during the school year. I supported him through grad school, plus 6 years of unemployment while he looked for a "worthy" job, then resigned from my career to spend 8 years as a full-time Mom. My legal fees exceeded 30K. The "plenty of resources" failed me; I had to rely on the generosity of my family, support of my friends and one, fabulous, therapist (she was the 4th I'd seen, and finally someone who understood what I had been going through).
May 7, 2011 - 9:34amAlthough it's been an arduos process, every day I'm grateful that I escaped this marriage. Yes, I'll continue to fight to gain primary custody of our daughter.
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