I agree with the previous anonymous "our birthmother" is condescending and makes it sound like she's some service that someone used. The only person whose mother she is, is her child's.
I think this article has important information in it. It is absolutely important for expectant parents considering adoption to know that they do not have to (and should not) sign anything before giving birth. They need to be aware of the various relinquishment periods which vary from state-to-state. Some states require that mothers wait a few hours or days to sign over their rights to prevent manipulation and pressure from adoption facilitators in hospitals while a woman may be under duress. There is also usually a time period where a surrendering mother can change her mind. 24 U.S. states legally recognize "open adoptions" but what this means varies from state to state and it's only enforceable if paperwork is signed and apporpriately filed.
Mothers also need to know that once an adoption is finalized, she and her family are no longer legally the child's family. The birth certificate with her name on it will be sealed and typically locked away from her child forever, and a new birth certificate claiming the adoptive parents gave birth (yes, it really does this, and yes, it actually intends to present the APs as the birth parents--no, I am not making this up).
Adoptive parents also need to be honest with themselves. It's not fair for an expectant mother to surrender a child when she is doing so largely because she thinks the adoption will be open and would not have surrendered to a closed adoption. It's not fair to go back on promises. It's not fair to make promises one can't keep.
Amending and sealing laws and confidential intermediary services do not (nor should they even attempt to) guarantee that an original parent will not become known to the adoptee later on in life. Adoptees are the only parties in adoption who have no say in what happens and do not consent to the amending and sealing of their identities. It's not fair to negotiate and seal away their past on their behalf or promise they won't know who gave birth to them. Remember, it's the child that adoption is supposed to be about. I was adopted through closed adoption. I will never understand why anyone thinks that both families not knowing and communicating with each other is better than a child having every person who helped make who they are at their fingertips to love and hold.
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What does "you can save a life" mean?
I agree with the previous anonymous "our birthmother" is condescending and makes it sound like she's some service that someone used. The only person whose mother she is, is her child's.
I think this article has important information in it. It is absolutely important for expectant parents considering adoption to know that they do not have to (and should not) sign anything before giving birth. They need to be aware of the various relinquishment periods which vary from state-to-state. Some states require that mothers wait a few hours or days to sign over their rights to prevent manipulation and pressure from adoption facilitators in hospitals while a woman may be under duress. There is also usually a time period where a surrendering mother can change her mind. 24 U.S. states legally recognize "open adoptions" but what this means varies from state to state and it's only enforceable if paperwork is signed and apporpriately filed.
Mothers also need to know that once an adoption is finalized, she and her family are no longer legally the child's family. The birth certificate with her name on it will be sealed and typically locked away from her child forever, and a new birth certificate claiming the adoptive parents gave birth (yes, it really does this, and yes, it actually intends to present the APs as the birth parents--no, I am not making this up).
Adoptive parents also need to be honest with themselves. It's not fair for an expectant mother to surrender a child when she is doing so largely because she thinks the adoption will be open and would not have surrendered to a closed adoption. It's not fair to go back on promises. It's not fair to make promises one can't keep.
Amending and sealing laws and confidential intermediary services do not (nor should they even attempt to) guarantee that an original parent will not become known to the adoptee later on in life. Adoptees are the only parties in adoption who have no say in what happens and do not consent to the amending and sealing of their identities. It's not fair to negotiate and seal away their past on their behalf or promise they won't know who gave birth to them. Remember, it's the child that adoption is supposed to be about. I was adopted through closed adoption. I will never understand why anyone thinks that both families not knowing and communicating with each other is better than a child having every person who helped make who they are at their fingertips to love and hold.
November 7, 2011 - 6:42pmThis Comment
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