As a newly adoptive father within an open adoption, I want to make sure the positives are out there with the negatives. I personally feel that a lot of misunderstandings would be cleared up if media would focus more on where adoption and specifically open adoption works.
My wife and I have an ongoing relationship with our son's birthmother and birthfather. We love them more than you can imagine. They made this adoption plan as adults and against the feelings of their families and friends (openess specifically).
If everyone involved uses one benchmark alone all would be fine. Everything is done with the interest of the child. It is because of this that we all have copies of the original birth certificate. It is our viewpoint that there are not enough people in this world that can love a child. For the most part, both sets of parents come to the agreement with some level of saddness and dispair. Focusing on the miracle and the life just makes all of that go away.
It is not easy. We are 7 months into a lifetime of a relationship with both of his birth parents. There is still a lot of grief (not regret) to navigate through. Prospective adoptive parents need to have patience and thick skin when it comes to supporting the decisions made. The negative portrayal of adoptions as a whole impacts our friends viewpoints. You will have to defend your decisions always. Be comfortable with that.
I will not even try to speculate on what an expectant mom should do beyond find a resource that you can trust. We connected with our son's birthparents not through our agency nor placement professional. Two women in our area run a ministry that helps women in crisis pregnancies make the tough life decision of parenting or adopting. They provide support and counseling throughout the process and we did not meet her until she had made that choice of adoption.
We all agreed to monthly contact this first year. As the weeks have passed to months, we are connecting twice a month. Its not easy, there are a lot of emotions that go along with the openness but in the end it will be worth it. We all live in separate states and we plan on meeting again at our son's first birthday.
What we have is a relationship with his birthparents, no agreements or contracts. You can't regulate what ultimately is supporting life. Now every adoption is unique and I do not say everyone should view our ongoing contact as what should happen. Everyone just needs to be patient and honest with feelings.
Just remember, there are far more success stories than disasters. And those success stories have a lot of challenges, frustration, tears, joy, love, and experiences that can never be replaced. As I always joke, "Your mileage may vary!"
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As a newly adoptive father within an open adoption, I want to make sure the positives are out there with the negatives. I personally feel that a lot of misunderstandings would be cleared up if media would focus more on where adoption and specifically open adoption works.
My wife and I have an ongoing relationship with our son's birthmother and birthfather. We love them more than you can imagine. They made this adoption plan as adults and against the feelings of their families and friends (openess specifically).
If everyone involved uses one benchmark alone all would be fine. Everything is done with the interest of the child. It is because of this that we all have copies of the original birth certificate. It is our viewpoint that there are not enough people in this world that can love a child. For the most part, both sets of parents come to the agreement with some level of saddness and dispair. Focusing on the miracle and the life just makes all of that go away.
It is not easy. We are 7 months into a lifetime of a relationship with both of his birth parents. There is still a lot of grief (not regret) to navigate through. Prospective adoptive parents need to have patience and thick skin when it comes to supporting the decisions made. The negative portrayal of adoptions as a whole impacts our friends viewpoints. You will have to defend your decisions always. Be comfortable with that.
I will not even try to speculate on what an expectant mom should do beyond find a resource that you can trust. We connected with our son's birthparents not through our agency nor placement professional. Two women in our area run a ministry that helps women in crisis pregnancies make the tough life decision of parenting or adopting. They provide support and counseling throughout the process and we did not meet her until she had made that choice of adoption.
We all agreed to monthly contact this first year. As the weeks have passed to months, we are connecting twice a month. Its not easy, there are a lot of emotions that go along with the openness but in the end it will be worth it. We all live in separate states and we plan on meeting again at our son's first birthday.
What we have is a relationship with his birthparents, no agreements or contracts. You can't regulate what ultimately is supporting life. Now every adoption is unique and I do not say everyone should view our ongoing contact as what should happen. Everyone just needs to be patient and honest with feelings.
Just remember, there are far more success stories than disasters. And those success stories have a lot of challenges, frustration, tears, joy, love, and experiences that can never be replaced. As I always joke, "Your mileage may vary!"
November 18, 2011 - 1:23pmThis Comment
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