Thank you for your response. Yes, I am looking for somewhere to go, but I just cant help knowing that if he dies its my fault because I left, and he has nobody elce to help him. The weight of a human life in your hands is heavy. Even more when the decision of whether he lives or dies is in your control. If I stay he will keep the cancer in remission and most likely even be cancer free with the natural medicine. The natural medicine has done a miracle in his health, even his oncologist is surprised how well he is doing..but that means for me to stay is for me to be hurting deep inside, at least until he is 100% healthy, then I can leave with out guilt. But if I go.... then I will be the one dead alive. I wont be able to live with myself knowing I turned my back on him. What will I do when his Mother calls me and the people tell me he is very ill and dying...or that he has passed away? It will be MY fault. Meanwhile...I feel like I am neither alive nor deceased, happy nor sad..just existing and trying hard with great success to hide this internal tornado that makes my days so very long.
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Thank you for your response. Yes, I am looking for somewhere to go, but I just cant help knowing that if he dies its my fault because I left, and he has nobody elce to help him. The weight of a human life in your hands is heavy. Even more when the decision of whether he lives or dies is in your control. If I stay he will keep the cancer in remission and most likely even be cancer free with the natural medicine. The natural medicine has done a miracle in his health, even his oncologist is surprised how well he is doing..but that means for me to stay is for me to be hurting deep inside, at least until he is 100% healthy, then I can leave with out guilt. But if I go.... then I will be the one dead alive. I wont be able to live with myself knowing I turned my back on him. What will I do when his Mother calls me and the people tell me he is very ill and dying...or that he has passed away? It will be MY fault. Meanwhile...I feel like I am neither alive nor deceased, happy nor sad..just existing and trying hard with great success to hide this internal tornado that makes my days so very long.
August 20, 2015 - 12:03pmThis Comment
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