Hi, After reading your post I could see so many similairities in our marriages. I had already written a long reply to you explaining them and my long and lonely pregnancy but apperently I hit some key on my keyboard and I think it was deleted but if it wasn't then you will understand why I have replied twice. First, I want you to underdstand that I am not tryin g to compare our marriges or who has it worse or what is right or wrong. I just want to through out a few thoughts. I know you said that you were both masicians when you met and I think you also mentioned that you didn't plan the first pregnancy so maybe that changed your plans for the future that you were going to share wiith him. Now you have been given the role as a home maker and a stay at home mom. Is that correct? Ok, that's what I'm going with here. Anyway our hubands do sound alike in that they are both commited to us and their family even thou they do seem selfish at times. Also they both don't bother with drugs and staying out drinking. So just consider those things as very important. Are you and your husband very close as far as friends go? That is very important in a marriage. Just please know that I am speaking with the experiance of being married for 22 years this week. However, during my high risk pregnancy, I felt very alone and thought my husband was very selfish during that time and I still do. I did think very seriously about leaving him then. We were married 2 years at that time. If I had left him I could financially support my child and myself without his help so that wasn't an issue. I thought about what I did love about him and considered what it would be like without him in my life and possibly our childs. I very much doubted that he wouldn't still be a part of his childs life though. Even though he was really bad at supporting me emotionally throught my very hard pregnancy, he made it very clear how excited he was about being a father. I also wondered if I would ever meet someone who I could get along with so well and if I could fall in love with anyone else the way I love him. Another thing I thought about was how I would feel seeing him date other women or even getting married again and how these events would affect our child. I grew up without a father so I really wanted my child to have a father in his life. I really wanted him to have his mother and father to be together in his life. So through out the years, when my husband would do something so selfish or unmeaningly hurt my feelings I would think about all of these things. I'm sure that you are aware of the statistics in marriage and divorces, right? I think it was like 50% of marriages end in divorce back in the 90's. I'm not sure what they are now but that told me that marrige would take a lot of work in order to survive and that I would have to be willing to shoulder that fight for the sake of my marriage. We have definatly had our ups and downs, probably more downs then ups but either way I just know that I have made the right choice every time I thought about leaving him. We are best friends. Even though he doesn't always love me the way I want him to and even though I feel like I put more into our marriage then he does most of the time, I do believe he loves me the best he knows how to love me and that I can't expect him to love me my way. He might even belive that he puts more into our marriage then I do at times. Marriage is hard, that is almost guerenteed. But at the end of the day I am still more happy with him then I think I would be without him. So those are just some thoughts that I want to throw out there for you. I don't know you or if you have already considered the things I have written about. But we are not guerenteed a perfect love or a perfect life so... another thought just came to my mind. Do you believe that you can ever love someone as much as you love him? Even if you do, you don 't know that you will ever meet someone else. So do you want to leave this relationship enough to face living a single life. If you do meet someone else there is still the children to consider. You need to be able to trust this person with the lives of the kids. It sure is a lot to consider. Just make sure that y.ou do. Feelings can really get in the way sometimes, lol. Seriously though I do hope that you can find a way to get through this difficult time. At the end of your pregnancy you are going to have another beautiful baby and I do hope the best for your family. Please, if you want to talk to me do not hesitate to message me on here. Good Luck.
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Hi, After reading your post I could see so many similairities in our marriages. I had already written a long reply to you explaining them and my long and lonely pregnancy but apperently I hit some key on my keyboard and I think it was deleted but if it wasn't then you will understand why I have replied twice. First, I want you to underdstand that I am not tryin g to compare our marriges or who has it worse or what is right or wrong. I just want to through out a few thoughts. I know you said that you were both masicians when you met and I think you also mentioned that you didn't plan the first pregnancy so maybe that changed your plans for the future that you were going to share wiith him. Now you have been given the role as a home maker and a stay at home mom. Is that correct? Ok, that's what I'm going with here. Anyway our hubands do sound alike in that they are both commited to us and their family even thou they do seem selfish at times. Also they both don't bother with drugs and staying out drinking. So just consider those things as very important. Are you and your husband very close as far as friends go? That is very important in a marriage. Just please know that I am speaking with the experiance of being married for 22 years this week. However, during my high risk pregnancy, I felt very alone and thought my husband was very selfish during that time and I still do. I did think very seriously about leaving him then. We were married 2 years at that time. If I had left him I could financially support my child and myself without his help so that wasn't an issue. I thought about what I did love about him and considered what it would be like without him in my life and possibly our childs. I very much doubted that he wouldn't still be a part of his childs life though. Even though he was really bad at supporting me emotionally throught my very hard pregnancy, he made it very clear how excited he was about being a father. I also wondered if I would ever meet someone who I could get along with so well and if I could fall in love with anyone else the way I love him. Another thing I thought about was how I would feel seeing him date other women or even getting married again and how these events would affect our child. I grew up without a father so I really wanted my child to have a father in his life. I really wanted him to have his mother and father to be together in his life. So through out the years, when my husband would do something so selfish or unmeaningly hurt my feelings I would think about all of these things. I'm sure that you are aware of the statistics in marriage and divorces, right? I think it was like 50% of marriages end in divorce back in the 90's. I'm not sure what they are now but that told me that marrige would take a lot of work in order to survive and that I would have to be willing to shoulder that fight for the sake of my marriage. We have definatly had our ups and downs, probably more downs then ups but either way I just know that I have made the right choice every time I thought about leaving him. We are best friends. Even though he doesn't always love me the way I want him to and even though I feel like I put more into our marriage then he does most of the time, I do believe he loves me the best he knows how to love me and that I can't expect him to love me my way. He might even belive that he puts more into our marriage then I do at times. Marriage is hard, that is almost guerenteed. But at the end of the day I am still more happy with him then I think I would be without him. So those are just some thoughts that I want to throw out there for you. I don't know you or if you have already considered the things I have written about. But we are not guerenteed a perfect love or a perfect life so... another thought just came to my mind. Do you believe that you can ever love someone as much as you love him? Even if you do, you don 't know that you will ever meet someone else. So do you want to leave this relationship enough to face living a single life. If you do meet someone else there is still the children to consider. You need to be able to trust this person with the lives of the kids. It sure is a lot to consider. Just make sure that y.ou do. Feelings can really get in the way sometimes, lol. Seriously though I do hope that you can find a way to get through this difficult time. At the end of your pregnancy you are going to have another beautiful baby and I do hope the best for your family. Please, if you want to talk to me do not hesitate to message me on here. Good Luck.
July 2, 2016 - 2:49pmThis Comment
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