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Kadi,
Thanks for your great reply! I am so inspired by your insight and "knowing what you want" for yourself. You have articulated this controversial and taboo topic of sex so well, and I admire you and your family for being able to TALK about sex! What a concept! :-) My family never really talked about sex when I was in high school (or earlier). We talked about our bodies changing and feelings about relationships; I generally knew my parents had other relationships before they met each other (they didn't get married until they were in their 30s; unusual for their generation of baby boomers...). Anyways, perhaps your family's openness and willingness to talk about sex helped you be able to hear your own voice, and not be "tempted" or "curious" until the time was (is) right. I hope other young women read your story!!

Oh, and just to put this out there...this "question" of waiting doesn't end after one graduates from high school or college, either! My 40+ year old friend, who is divorced with two grown children, is dating again, and wondering: how long to wait to have sex with a man she met and likes? Do you wait until it's love, even after you've already been married and had kids? She's not going to "wait until marriage" because she's not sure she wants to be married again. I'd love to hear other's thoughts on this!

I agree with you, Kadi, the act of having sex changes relationships, and it is so important to be friends with your partner, first. Even more important is to be friends with yourself first! (I say this, because many people become sexually active to feel like they are loved, when what they really need is to love themselves first).

April 12, 2008 - 2:14pm

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