You are so right about the effect criticism has upon us and our children. It's funny how some of us learned to fear "the look" that a parent would get across his or her face. But the spoken criticism is what would influence how we would treat our siblings, friends, children - and even our parents.
There is a way to criticize without damaging a child's self esteem and confidence. I think too many parents live vicariously through their children, subconsciously making up for their own failures. You can see this especially on the ball fields, and it's not just the dads verbally abusing their kids.
At the same time, being overly encouraging can have the opposite effect than intended, leading the kid to grow up cocky and over-confident. I have seen this in people who were led to believe they can do no wrong and grow up to be the biggest jerks you'll ever meet.
What we "should" do is often not what we end up doing, largely because we never learned how. It's all well and good to say that both parents should be equally supportive of the child. I think that assumes both parents were raised equally well by equally supportive parents. Wishful thinking, these days, I think. Plus, it's hard enough when the child is hearing hurtful criticism from their own peers, or worse - their teachers.
So, I think there is a fine line between being critical and being supportive that may often be overlooked. It's finding that balance between the two that is a skill we have to learn and teach our children. The concept of a "kinder, gentler nation" comes to mind. Would that we could achieve that, eh?
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You are so right about the effect criticism has upon us and our children. It's funny how some of us learned to fear "the look" that a parent would get across his or her face. But the spoken criticism is what would influence how we would treat our siblings, friends, children - and even our parents.
There is a way to criticize without damaging a child's self esteem and confidence. I think too many parents live vicariously through their children, subconsciously making up for their own failures. You can see this especially on the ball fields, and it's not just the dads verbally abusing their kids.
At the same time, being overly encouraging can have the opposite effect than intended, leading the kid to grow up cocky and over-confident. I have seen this in people who were led to believe they can do no wrong and grow up to be the biggest jerks you'll ever meet.
What we "should" do is often not what we end up doing, largely because we never learned how. It's all well and good to say that both parents should be equally supportive of the child. I think that assumes both parents were raised equally well by equally supportive parents. Wishful thinking, these days, I think. Plus, it's hard enough when the child is hearing hurtful criticism from their own peers, or worse - their teachers.
So, I think there is a fine line between being critical and being supportive that may often be overlooked. It's finding that balance between the two that is a skill we have to learn and teach our children. The concept of a "kinder, gentler nation" comes to mind. Would that we could achieve that, eh?
June 27, 2008 - 6:22pmThis Comment
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