At 48, I spent years participating in the activities you list, along with, when I was much younger, roller skating, ice skating, bicycling, skateboarding and gymnastics, all of which became impossible after I developed fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and immune deficiency syndrome in the early 2000s.
I tried medications, exercises and so on to recover, even spending thousands of dollars to visit a specialized recovery center in Las Vegas, Nev. -- which seemed eventually to make me feel better until, after using every penny of my retirement savings meant that I could no longer go for treatments, my symptoms recurred weeks later. I could barely hold my head up, much less exercise. As the years passed, there were moments when I managed to take my beloved golden retriever for a very short walk.
Finally, after my caring, compassionate physician and I took one more look at results of blood tests ordered for me years before, we noted that my being positive for Lyme disease on the Western blot might mean taking a shot at trying one of the few specific anti-bacterials that treats Lyme disease. This was last year, 2010. I finally started to feel better for the first time in six or seven years. I started getting things done, trying to make repairs, walk my golden girl a bit farther than before, to enjoy feeling better.
So it was that I was resolute in the knowledge that the pain in my left leg from a fall off a ladder, a fall of no more than a few feet onto carpet and carpet pad, must be a pulled muscle or ligament. That it wasn't made me laugh out loud, to the surprise of those in the ER who I'm sure had never seen such a response to such a severe injury. After getting what's called "hip pinning" for my femoral neck fracture, I thought all would be well, despite my surgeon failing to provide any precautions.
Knowing that my luck would never change, I wasn't the least bit surprised when told that I had a non-union, that the bone had collapsed, that I had avascular necrosis and now needed a complete hip replacement. What did that mean to me? "You're old. You'll never be able to live the way you once did. If you thought you were disabled before with the agonizing pain of fibromyalgia, the feeling of being entirely depleted of all your blood, your bones and muscles, at least had there been a cure, you could have lived as if you were never sick.
"Now you can't. You're forever debilitated. Forever disabled. There is no hope."
I'll never run again, do aerobics again, skate again. Thanks to the rest of you, at least I'll feel that I'm not alone in my struggle. Thank you to all of you.
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At 48, I spent years participating in the activities you list, along with, when I was much younger, roller skating, ice skating, bicycling, skateboarding and gymnastics, all of which became impossible after I developed fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and immune deficiency syndrome in the early 2000s.
I tried medications, exercises and so on to recover, even spending thousands of dollars to visit a specialized recovery center in Las Vegas, Nev. -- which seemed eventually to make me feel better until, after using every penny of my retirement savings meant that I could no longer go for treatments, my symptoms recurred weeks later. I could barely hold my head up, much less exercise. As the years passed, there were moments when I managed to take my beloved golden retriever for a very short walk.
Finally, after my caring, compassionate physician and I took one more look at results of blood tests ordered for me years before, we noted that my being positive for Lyme disease on the Western blot might mean taking a shot at trying one of the few specific anti-bacterials that treats Lyme disease. This was last year, 2010. I finally started to feel better for the first time in six or seven years. I started getting things done, trying to make repairs, walk my golden girl a bit farther than before, to enjoy feeling better.
So it was that I was resolute in the knowledge that the pain in my left leg from a fall off a ladder, a fall of no more than a few feet onto carpet and carpet pad, must be a pulled muscle or ligament. That it wasn't made me laugh out loud, to the surprise of those in the ER who I'm sure had never seen such a response to such a severe injury. After getting what's called "hip pinning" for my femoral neck fracture, I thought all would be well, despite my surgeon failing to provide any precautions.
Knowing that my luck would never change, I wasn't the least bit surprised when told that I had a non-union, that the bone had collapsed, that I had avascular necrosis and now needed a complete hip replacement. What did that mean to me? "You're old. You'll never be able to live the way you once did. If you thought you were disabled before with the agonizing pain of fibromyalgia, the feeling of being entirely depleted of all your blood, your bones and muscles, at least had there been a cure, you could have lived as if you were never sick.
"Now you can't. You're forever debilitated. Forever disabled. There is no hope."
I'll never run again, do aerobics again, skate again. Thanks to the rest of you, at least I'll feel that I'm not alone in my struggle. Thank you to all of you.
July 29, 2011 - 8:00pmThis Comment
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