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I am 20 years old and the husband is 22 years old and he doesn't like to have sex at all.We both attend school and work. I am always tired but I can't understand why he doesnt want to have sex anymore.At 22 years you would think he would want to have sex more often .He told me that its becuase I have gained weight.Could it just be the extra pounds or does he just not love me anymore? I am very frustrated with this! I feel neglected by my husband because when I try to have sex with hime but he pushes me off and says that he is tired..I dont think that he is cheating but I guess you just never know now a days.My sex drive is extremely high and I dont want to cheat on my husband.We used to have sex a lot in the beggining of our relationship.Im extremely upset and I dont know what to do.Does anyone have any advice?
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Mimi89,
Unfortunately, the reason that your husband gave you for him not wanting sex could be the actual reason: your gaining weight. Of course, it could be an excuse, but no one will be able to tell you except for your husband.
Either way, it is (my opinion) very harmful, hurtful and disrespectful that he would blame the lack-of-sex on you (gaining weight), without taking any responsibility of his own. There are two scenarios here:
1. does he still love you and want to stick by his wedding vows? is he concerned about your weight gain because of medical/health reasons, and if so, is he trying to help in other ways (cook healthy meals for both of you, go grocery shopping, exercise with you, go on long walks, etc.)?
2. does he have this image of how you are supposed to look, and is he only concerned with outward appearances? do you still feel connected with him in other ways, or does he display this unkind-side of himself in other ways in your relationship? I would assume if he thinks you have gained too much weight to have sex with, he probably treats you poorly in other ways as well?
I'm interested to hear more about your story, as I think you are validated in feeling extremely upset. I am not clear if he is truly concerned about you and trying to help, or if he is just being mean (and would display this in other areas of your relationship, too). Is he willing to talk with you about your concerns, or does he brush them off (and brush you off?). These are more important questions to answer right now, irregardless of anyone's sex drive or speculating if they are cheating or not...just the fact that he would say you have gained too much weight and THAT is the ONE reason he does not want to have sex with you just does not make for a healthy relationship.
February 7, 2010 - 8:03pmThis Comment
Well he still loves me and wants to work on our relationship.We have tried to lose the weight but I am too busy to do this at the moment.I really wish I could lose it but Im always busy.He is always telling me that I used to look so much nicer when I first got married to him.My hubby is actually really nice to me in other ways like he will bring me lunch to work or if I forget my book in my room he will put it in the car for me. I believe that he still loves me but I keep thinking maybe I just have a high sex drive.He has also lost a lot of weight. Also, he used to work out a lot when we were younger but now he doesnt exercise at all.Could it also be a lack of energy? Im going to try and lose the weight but its going to be reallt hard since im busy all the time.
February 8, 2010 - 12:22amThis Comment