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24 weeks pregnant and not sure who the father is

By March 16, 2010 - 2:08pm
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me and my ex partner split up last january, and after 8 months apart,i had a one night stand on the 17th september,which im ashamed to say was unprotected.my period started on the 1st of october,and lasted 5 days (which is normal).me and my ex got back together on the 22nd of september,and had unproctected sex from then on.i missed a period on the 1st of november,and im normally regular,every 28 days,and a pregnancy test confirmed i was pregnant.i also done a conception indicator on the 2nd of november,which stated i was 2-3 weeks pregnant.i know my ex is most likely the father,but i am worrying myself sick in case by any chance the one night stand is.please can you tell me who is most likely,as i dont know what to do.thanks

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I'm so sorry for all you've been through. And congratulations on the pregnancy!

Are you seeing a doctor yet for the pregnancy? You might ask her or him about your anger and anxiety. I think it's perfectly normal after what you've been through during the last year -- depression especially is common after a miscarriage, and it takes some time to grieve and move on. You are also raising two young boys and have been dealing with your ex. That would be a lot of stress for anyone. And now you are carrying a new baby, and need to eat well for two.

I hope that this doesn't sound out of line, but it seems from reading your posts that you are better off without your ex. He has left you twice when you needed support, and that's selfish and cruel. Even a good friend wouldn't do that, and your ex should be even more supportive than a good friend would be.

You are clearly a kind and loving person who adores her boys (and new baby) and wants to do the best for all of them. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Are you afraid you will try to hurt yourself again?

March 17, 2010 - 9:04am
(reply to Diane Porter)

hello diane, thank you very much for your response. I have been referred to a consultant because of my mental health history,and they are aware of the way im feeling at the moment. I have been offered medication to try and help, but i have refused, as i dont want to take anything like that whilst im pregnant. Although i am finding everything quite difficult, i dont feel suicidal as i have everything to live for in regards to my two boys and new baby. the reason i struck that low before, was because my childrens father have them every holiday {as he lives about 200 miles from me} and this includes the 6 wks holidays, and at the time i took an overdose they had been away for about 4 wks, leaving me feeling even more lost and unsure of myself, because without them around i had no actual focus or routine, leaving me free to go off the rails and think more deeply than usual about all the things wrong about me and my life, and just come to the conclusion in my head that everyone was best off without me and my on going problems. I know it sounds awful, but its almost like i forgot i was a mother and very much needed by them, even though they were only away for a month, very selfish. When they are around, i just keep going, because thats what being a mother is all about, i gave birth to my children and from day one promised to love, care and be there for them for the rest of my life, no matter how difficult things are. My ex just dosent seem to care about anything apart from the fact that this baby is his possesion, he still comes around all the time acting like we are an item, although to everyone else he makes it clear that we are not, im so scared to tell him to get lost as i couldnt imagine bringing up another child with an absent father, but i dont know what he is playing at really.if i honestly thought he would be this uncaring and unsupportive, i never would of allowed myself to fall pregnant again, he just said the right things at the right time, and i thought things could be different this time.He never helps me with the boys, never offers to do chores when he stays,never asks how im feeling,dosent care when im lugging heavy shopping or painting,i basically run around after him as well as the kids,and its just all getting me down.Im lucky to get a hug these days x

March 17, 2010 - 12:57pm

Since you had a period AFTER your "one night stand" on the 17th of September, that means you did not have a viable pregnancy from the date of your period or before. Once you have your period...no matter if it is shorter, lighter, heavier, etc...that means your uterine lining is shedding and there is not a viable pregnancy.

How are you feeling about your pregnancy?

March 16, 2010 - 2:36pm
(reply to Alison Beaver)

hi alison,thank you very much for your response.I have had mixed emotions,as the reason my partner finished with me in the first place was because i miscarried.i spent months waiting for him to get back with me after,as it seemed my whole life had just fallen apart when i lost 1st baby,and when we got back together and i found out i was pregnant,i was estatic as its all i ever wanted in the first place,yet i still had that terrible fear of it being my one night stands offspring.my partner has finished with me again as he couldnt tolerate my emotional state,so im quite scared,but i would hate for him to think baby was his and mislead him if there was the slightest chance he wasent,because thats not fair x

March 16, 2010 - 2:53pm
(reply to KIMBERLIE83)

I am so sorry to hear that your ex is unable to handle your emotional state...I'm not even sure that to say about that, as he sounds very uncaring, right?

How do you feel your emotional state is at the moment? Are you feeling that you are experiencing any feelings "out-of-the-ordinary" that you need help with, or was your ex just not wanting to deal with the normal ups-and-downs of a woman who is going through pregnancy?

March 16, 2010 - 3:04pm
(reply to Alison Beaver)

Im very anxious and get extremly angry over the slightest thing,which worries me as i have two boys aged 7 and 8 from a previous relationship,the seven year old has adhd,and they both constantly fight which is obviously very difficult to cope with,but i do feel i scream and shout at them all the time,and its not healthy for them,and i also sit and cry most of the time when im alone,and it is probably down to the stress that my ex has put me under the past year,which in august,resulted in me taking a serious overdose of codiene,which i was prescribed for my back,and ended up in hospital on a drip.it was very selfish of me,because of my children,but i just felt like i failed my ex with the baby,and i always feel like im a terrible mother to my boys,so i just felt it was best to end it all.i was then prescribed chloropromazine (anti psychotic}and sleeping tablets to help me cope,which i stopped when i fell pregnant,so maybe my emotional state is out of the ordinary. my ex is quite selfish and dosent realise that if i had some stability rather than being picked up and thrown aside,i would probably be a lot less stressed x

March 16, 2010 - 3:38pm
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