Is 45 too old to have a baby??

I am so glad to see this post. I just turned 44 and we have been trying to get pregnant for 6 mos. I even have had my Tubal ligation reveresed (they are open and should be working). We met with a reproductive endocronologist and were devasted when we were told that just because I turned 44 my chances of getting pregnant were 1-2% and that I had just as much chance of getting pregnant as if I was 50. They are saying the only way I really could get pregnant and stay pregnant is to have donor eggs. I am not opposed but I cannot afford the 20k that it would cost. I have been so sad since the appointment. These posts give me some hope.

LOL You all are commenting on a POST 2 YEARS AGO. This couple is probably DIVORCED by now. (SHE already HAD KIDS...New husband did NOT have kids...) The husband probably gave up and LOOKED for a "newer model". Bet your bottom dollar this is what happened (2 years ago).. Happy Holidays!

First I just want to say - good luck with whatever you decide to do! Next I want to ask you - why is it so important what other people think? Reason I say this is because you are going to get varied answers to this question depending on where people are in their lives. I can tell you I know of many 45 year olds who act like they are 65 and they are too tired to do much of anything, much less raise a baby. Especially if they have grown children of their own. The thought of starting all over can be daunting for some folks. On the other hand, there are friends of mine that do have little ones and it has given them much joy and happiness and in their words is "keeping them young". It's all in the attitude and more importantly- individual circumstances that make people think and feel the way they do.
Now that being said, if you want to know my personal situation, I am 44 with an almost 3 year old daughter. She is our first child together -DH has two college kids that adore their lil sis - and we are having the time of our lives with her, and couldn't be more thrilled. I am pretty new to this area where we live but have a lot of friends from the "new moms group" at the hospital where DD was born and we have playdates, trips, etc together. DH makes good money, so sending kids to college / having a baby / fertility treatments etc, fortunately not a concern for us. As far as family, my parents are still pretty young - mom is 66 and dad is 67 and they are both very active and in DD's life to a large degree. My husband and I are both very healthy, (I run about 30 miles a week) and we try to eat pretty healthy as well. I have an enormous amount of energy and I am fortunate enough to be able to work from home at a job I love - so I can see and spend time with my daughter throughout the day. (we do have a nanny who comes from 9-4 three days a week and Saturday nights when we are home so DH and I can go on date night!) Not that these things are the be all and end all for having a child, but for me , all these things help in a big way.

I would love to give her a little brother or sister, and we do have one embryo left over from a prior IVF, but would also consider donor eggs at this point because - a. I don't think I would be able to get pregnant with my own eggs again and b. I am concerned about the possibility of birth defects even if I could get pregnant. I am also open to adoption. So I guess what I'm saying is, what's right for you might not be what's right for others, so in the end it only matters how you and your family feel. For me, having my little girl is the best thing I have done in my life and I am grateful to have been able to have her at 41. I would not have been as good a mom in my twenties (though I'm sure it would have taken me a lot less time to get pregnant) as now I have much more patience and appreciate everything so much more. good luck to you and your family and god bless.

I am a mother of 3.... two teenagers age 16 and 13 and a younger child age 4. I had my last at age 40 ( with no complications and a very healthy pregnancy) and now 44 and currently trying for another baby. I think if you are fit and healthy there is no reason why not to try for a baby in your 40's. I love to walk,swim and keep fit. I felt extremely blessed having my 3rd child at 40 and felt less tired than i did after the birth of my first child at 28. I have a lovely home, a career and a loving family bond which i wouldn't change for the world. We take family holidays and have family fun days out. I don't miss going on girly nights out,clubbing etc like some of my friends still do, i did all that before i settled down at the age of 28. Good luck I say go for it!

This thread has left me in tears. I am a 44 yo mother of three, aged 4,2 and 1. I have just found out my very good friend age 40 (mother of three, aged 5,3,and 1) is pregnant again (not planned) with No.4 . I am feeling SO emotional at the thought that I will not be having another baby too.

All my pregnancies were good , the last two had diet controlled gestational diabetes... the probable cause is a family history of big babies on both sides. Mine were 9lb 15, 10lb 2 and 10lb exactly. Partly due to my age and partly due to baby size I had 3 ceasars, but only the last one was elective. With my sensible head on i made a decision to have my tubes cut during the last ceasar...with my partners full agreement. My age (he is 11 years younger) and the fact we had been lucky to have 3 healthy and happy children were our principle deciding factors.

I never imagined i would feel envious and SO long for another child. My friend's pregnancy has prompted me to think thoughts I never thought i would have. Motherhood has been a great and unexpected boon to my life, and i am grateful that have the opportunity to experience it.

If I were miraculously to fall pregnant, although aghast, i would be ecstatic, but would be very concerned about all the associated risks, especially with my pregnancy and delivery history. I would not opt for screening except ultrasound. We decided with all our preganacies to have no addtional screening simply for the reason that the figures are PURELY percentages and at the end of the day neither of us would be able to decide to terminate on a figure. Also there are so many common abnormalites that CANNOT be screened for . Amnioncentesis and CV sampling were also not an option for us because of the risk of foetal abnormality and miscarriage.

There is such a conflict in me between the emotional urge to be pregnant again ( I loved every minute of being pregnant) and having No.4, and the practical and real physical risks that I would be exposed to , should I be pregnant again at 44+. Would it be fair to put myself in real danger, and to put my children and partner through the stress and worry? Am i being selfish yearning for another pregnancy?

I don't think 45 is too old to be pregnant, but I do think you need to question your motivation and really consider all the risk factors before you come to your decision.......and yes , I think i would take the risk if i hadn't had my tubes cut!

Dorothy T.
I am 44 and my mom is 86 I love her dearly! but for the last 10 yrs I have been care giver to both my father who has since past and mom who is now is in bed unable to care for herself. I was blessed to have them as parents but I do wish Dad was still here and they could both be able to share special moments of my life.

It is amazing that this thread has lasted this long. While I agree with a lot of what you have said, I think there are no guarantees in life. Divorce happens for lots of reasons. I am very sorry you have had to endure a lot of difficulties.
I just turned 46. I have to see (on Facebook) many women 5 - 10 years younger having children. Although I am very happy for them, it does make me sad to know that I will NEVER become a mother. I do have parents that I am there for and they are very much like children, which makes me frustrated, but I have to say they are very lucky that I don't have kids. I know they would have never wanted me to have kids, because my mom was angry at my sister for having children. I sometimes imagine when I am with them, what it would be like to have a normal family and having a child that my parent's could enjoy, but my life never turned out that way.
I am fortunate in many ways, and I try to focus on that. Life without kids can be good, but it has it's moments, just like life with kids. I am glad though in one way, because I think many people have kids so they won't be alone, which is not fair. I have no problem being alone. My parents have played the "I am all alone card on me for 20 years" It is very exhausting, because people in life have to be responsible for their own happiness.
So, while having a child at my age is out of the question. I think there are many people out there that have supportive families, money, a supportive significant other and their health, so I wouldn't discourage everyone.

IMO-yes i think that having a baby at 45 is too old. There are simply too many risks, physical, emotional and lifestyle factors to consider for you and the child.
Sadly, many of the women on boards like this one will encourage you to "go ahead and do it!" but what you have to consider that many women giving you this piece of advice either-
1. Never had kids in their 40s
2. Are women in their 20's themselves giving you advice though they know NOTHING about what it takes to be a parent cause they are not parents themselves.
3. Never had complicated pregnancies, miscarriages or a child with disabilities, despite their age, so how would they know about the huge risk you are taking?
4. Never went through a divorce as a result of the strain of trying to conceive or the strain of parenthood in their 40s.

So-once you sift through all of the above you will find a much much smaller number of women who conceived in their mid to late 40's, can give you a "true picture" of new baby parenthood-financial, social, emotional, physical in their mid 40s.

Believe me when i say--it is not all roses and champagne.
I am 46 years old and have a 19 year old child which i gave birth to at 26 and an 8 year old (which i adopted when he was 2 and i was 38). I love both my kids to death, and would not trade anything i have to say that there was a HUGE difference in parenting a baby, toddler , young child at 26 VS going through the stages again at 46.
Suffice it to say that my EX couldn't handle the toddler, preschool years very well the second time around. Faced with the reality of his own body's limitations (eventhough he's active its never the same as someone in their 20s) he sought comfort in the arms of a woman young enough to be his daughter as a way of "feeling young" again.
So at 46 i am now a single parent of an almost 19 year old and a soon to be 9 year old. ( I divorced him 4 years ago and his 20 something "mistress" took off with another man when my ex declared bankruptcy 2 years ago).
And if you think they are "grown" by the time they are 18 think again. MOST 18-24 year olds in this country are not ready to be on their own these days.
The economy is lousy and decent jobs for those coming out of high school are a rarity. Supporting oneself on minimum wage is out of the questions with how expensive things are. Even my neighbor has a kid that is 24 years old and still living at home because all he can find is minimum wage.
So my oldest is living at home (with me do to his dad's behavior) while going to college for the next few years in hopes of the economic situation changing.
While i try very hard to be a good parent with my youngest and engage in school and social activities that he is interested in--it is often very HARD to find the physical reserves and interest at times to go through all the activities i already went through so many years ago with my oldest when he was this age. I have to constantly push myself, but even so, there are more times that i'd like to admit when i have to say "no" because i am simply too exhausted. Parenting is hard and even harder in your 40's-50's if you have a very young child. Don't let anyone kid you.
The "high energy levels" you thought you had before the child came along will no longer be there a few years in.
Now when all is said and done, and in spite of everything i have been through in the last few years (to include divorce, financial struggles and starting a new career from scratch) i would not trade my two kids for anything in the world.
Would i have a baby now- at 46- if i suddenly found myself pregnant again-knowing all the risks involved, financial, emotional and physical considerations?--
The resounding answer is NO!
Do i believe women should fight nature in their mid 40s and beyond by going through the painful toll of IVF treatments and parenthood at such a late stage? NO!
Do I believe women are being foolish and ignorant when they compare themselves and other women to multimillionaire celebrities who conceived in their 40s? YES!
(most of those celebs not only conceived with "donor eggs" but have, well, millions of dollars at their disposable to not only get the best possible pregnancy care BUT also to ensure that their children, whether disabled or not, get the best possible upbringing).
if you're going to compare yourself or other women to "celebs" then less compare apples to apples shall we?
So unless you are wealthy beyond all means with millions of dollars at your disposal in the eventuality of something going wrong
And you have a large family that can and is willing to support you and take care of your child in the eventuality that something goes wrong
I strongly recommend against having a baby in your mid 40's and beyond.
Now if all of the above sounds harsh--GOOD! It is meant to be.
That's why they call it a "reality check".
Like my grandmother always said "don't pussyfoot around and deliver hard news on a bed a roses, that doesn't help anyone see the way things really are, the only thing it does is give someone a false sense of security".