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Is 45 too old to have a baby??

By Anonymous April 9, 2009 - 11:14am
 
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I'm recently married and my new husband and I have started talking about having a baby together. Not right away, but maybe we'd start trying in the next year or two. I have a couple of teenagers from my previous marriage and this is his first marriage (no kids). The problem is timing - we're not getting any younger!! We're both in our 40's - I'll be turning 45 later this year, and when I had my last baby at age 31, I thought I was totally done having kids. I never would have dreamed I'd even be thinking about another baby, but of course I never ever dreamed I'd get divorced and then remarried.

My question to other moms out there is what your opinion is on having a baby later in life. I'd love to know ALL your feelings on this. At the moment, I'm so enjoying my teenagers and love the fact that they're each becoming so independent and that we can do so many fun things together. I love my independence as well, and how much easier this part of my life is. As much as I'd love to have a baby with my husband at some point, I'm wondering if adding a new baby into the mix would be completely insane at this "middle-aged" stage of the game. What do you think? I could sure use some advice!

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(reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon,

Would you have to go through IVF in order to conceive again? It's a tough call for you I'm sure but it may help to make a pros and cons list of having another baby. I realize that you are concerned about her being alone but perhaps your husband isn't so concerned because she has lots of friends (or could have lots of friends). I personally have two children and still feel that they both need to interact and socialize with other children because the world isn't just the two of them. So, by visiting a day care center (it's really more of an educational/fun center for kids from NB-3 years) we are considering them joining even if it's for a few days a week.

But like I said, it's a tough call for you just be sure that you still have the patience, energy and love for another child and that you're ready to accept a baby that could potentially have a birth defect.

All the best!

Rosa

April 16, 2011 - 4:55am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

If you can have a baby at 45.. go for it.. I am 45 now and have two children ages 6 and 7 and right after my second child was born my monthly stopped .. I officially went into menopause as shown by a blood test at age 42 so there are no chances of ever having a child now at this point. So God Bless you and give you all the strength in the world because you're probably going to need it. I had 2 in diapers when I was in my early 40's and well.. not being a 'spring' chicken any more.. I soon realized that I do not have the energy I once had 20 some years ago. Since going into menopause, I feel I have aged considerably and I honestly do not know any woman in menopause with children as young as mine are.

good luck to you.. and I hope all goes well.

April 1, 2011 - 10:08pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I found this wonderful internet site discussing Down Syndrome for those of you that want to do more research if this is a concerning factor of already being pregnant and/or wanting to get pregnant at a "older" age.

http://www.cdadc.com/ds/down-syndrome-children-down-syndrome-pictures.html

Hope this helps you as it did me. God Bless!

February 27, 2011 - 10:36am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Are there any women out there that have had a baby at age 45 or later in life that would be willing to share their experience or tell me if they have any regrets about it? I am 45 and have had no luck with finding the right man to father a child with so I am thinking about going through the donor insemination program. I do have an older male friend willing to be my support system and go through this with me as he has had a vasectomy. We will also be living together as soon as I sell my house. I have wanted a little baby girl all my life so now I am just going to go ahead with my option #2, as time is marching on age wise. Any advice, positive or negative, will be appreciated greatly. Thank you very much!! P.S. I would also be thankful if I had a healthy baby boy if it's not a girl!

February 21, 2011 - 12:30am
(reply to Anonymous)

I have friends who are in their 40s and have healthy babies. I could not think of any woman who would post that they "regret" their baby, once they have the baby! It is hard to have kids (I have a 4 year old and an 11 month old), and I sure miss my "old life" at times (the freedom to be lazy, honestly). I think you would hear many more comments about the difficulties, the "trying times", but typically people only regret things they have not done in their life.

What are your next steps with your Option #2? Have you already spoken to your doctor about it? We would love to hear about your journey!

February 22, 2011 - 11:20am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Alison Beaver)

What a great board and a great read but I'm even more confused than I was before. I will be 46 in November and very much want another child--I have since I had my beautiful daughter, Larianna, right before I turned 41. My husband, however, was happy and content with her. His thoughts were that we were blessed to have her--after all, I was a "AMO" mom. Yes, imagine my demise when all my files had this "AMO" label on it--Advance Maternal Age. I was and am anything but "old". :- )
I opted out of the genetic testing for birth defects because I was going to have my baby regardless of what they said. Amnio came with risks and if there were any physical deformities, we'd see them on the ultrasounds. I had a very easy pregnancy and delivery and was told I did better than women half my age. My daughter was born with a "creased line" on her left butt check and it was labeled as an "excess gluteal fold". She was given an MRI for spina bifida which came back negative.
My husband, who has been the controlling factor in not having another child, recently said that since I've been given a clean bill of health from the doctors that we can have another one. I was elated and floored and now scared at facing the possibility that I can have another baby (provided I could get pregnant and carry to term). The question is, do I? The only reason I hesitate is because of birth defects and more specifically DS. I truly believe that if I had a baby with DS or any other condition that didn't label my baby as healthy, is that's what God intended for me. I believe we are programmed to think of this as a negative but whose to say it's not the cloud with the silver lining--that it wouldn't change our lives for the better? Am I being selfish to want another baby? When I give my daugher a bath and see her gluteal fold, I sometimes wonder "what if"? I'd love to have another one for our daughter--both my husband and I had two younger siblings. I don't even think of my age as a limit as I'm fit, healthy, and wanting another one. The age factor comes in due to the risks. I can't say that we "need" another child or do we? Is this simply a want? Is that so bad to want to add to our beautiful family that is filled with love? Am I being selfish or do just count my blessings now and put this thought out of my head? I'd love to hear from those of you older than 43 and pregnant or considering the same. Thank you for your time and I apologize for the rambling.

February 27, 2011 - 9:08am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hello Everyone,

Sorry to invade your talking space.

I'm a 43 yr old male. I've been dating the love of my life for about 3 years now. It was not always easy as the military put us at opposite sides of the world. My girl will be 40 in July and has ALWAYS said no to kids but recently has said YES. I'm still trying to understand it in my head, but truth be told...I'm as easy as they come. I'm retired military now and she is active duty with 10 years left. Today, both of us are together and will be forever. Neither of us have kids. I've never been married, she has once. Neither of us have debt. So the question goes...are WE too old to have kids...or did I already answer my question?

February 10, 2011 - 3:17am

I am 43 and have a 2 year old baby. I run 5 miles a day and take good care of myself. I have much more patience now than I ever did in my 20's and I feel that this was the right time for me to become a parent. My DH is a great help with our LO as well. We are having the best time with her and I would love another baby. If I did become pregnant , I would deliver at 44 best case and I do not consider myself too old at all. If you are in good health and have the financial means, stamina and patience for a baby then YES!!! I say go for it!! Good luck to you - it is the BEST thing we have ever done...

January 15, 2011 - 3:21pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

If you are asking for a yes or no answer....after much thought I would have to say no. Hopefully that will not be a deal breaker in your marriage. Im assuming you discussed it before the marriage took place. The decision impacts the child not yet born as well as your teenagers. Cherish what you have in them, save your resources and energy to help them be the best version of them they can be and wait to have a blast with the grandkids! Good Luck with your decision and God Bless.

January 12, 2011 - 1:02pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have just turned 45 and my baby is due in 8 weeks. I too have two older children(25 and 18) but my partner now didnt have any children when we got together 9 and a half years ago. We started trying when I was 37 and although I got pregnant very quickly miscarried 4 times in a row. It was devastating and we almost gave up. We gave it one more go and at the age of 39 I gave birth to our now 5year old son. No probs except I did have borderline gestational diabetes and my blood pressure went up at week 34. He was born full term though induced. We hadnt used contraception since he was around 2years old but nothing happened so we kind of just figured we were lucky to have him and didn't worry. Then in July last year I found out I was pregnant. I am almost 32 weeks now. My blood pressure has been fine but I developed gestational diabetes and am on insulin. All the tests on the baby so far have been normal and she seems to be doing fine. I will be induced at around 38 weeks because of the diabetes. I am overweight, have fibromyalgia, essential hypertension and am 45 so the odds were against me from the start! If you are really worried about down syndrome you can have an amnio but our tests came back as low risk after blood test and scan so we didnt bother. Good luck - ultimately the choice is yours:)

January 11, 2011 - 12:02am
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