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Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

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ask: am I being too ridiculous

By Keisha lee
 
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I'm 19 years of age and i met a guy who is 38 years of age well he's actually from florida we met in a store where i worked i assisted him in getting a few items and he ended up asking for my # but i took his instead so i text him and we began talking but he wants to be in a relationship and not friends he has his own business and all but im not really interested in money cause i believe in working for my own for i man to tell me he wants to take care of me sounds weird cause i getting use to taking care of my self, i still live with my mom and i do try and help out with paying the bills. he seems nice but he is 19 years older than i am he has 3 kids already and he and my dad are the same age i don't want to be dating some 1 who is the same age as my dad it would seem weird to me. i've never dated much because i couldn't seem to find persons with the same values, aspiration and etc as mines. i would like a serious and honest opinion on this i knw ill ave to make the final decision by the end of the day.

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Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

Hi Keisha

Thanks for your post!

You're right, this is a decision only you can make. But take into consideration some of the following:

You may be mature (you sound like you are) but you are literally still a teen with a lot to learn. If you have a relationship with him, you may be around those far older than you and you may lose out on the experiences and natural growing pains that every young woman should have in order to grow up.

You may want to go on to further your education. Will this still be possible?

You are working and still living at home - are you ready for such a giant leap?

He has three children - you are barely into adulthood yourself. Be careful that you don't lose your freedom or end up an unpaid babysitter. These are his kids, not yours. Don't get wrapped up in their lives.

Don't sell yourself short on enjoying being young and carefree - that is something you will never get back.

However, relationships of all types and ages can work - there are no hard and fast rules for these things. But at your age, this is an enormous age gap. I am only a few years older than this man and I cannot imagine being with a 19 year old young man! I enjoy pop culture, going out and being active, but intellectually, I wouldn't have much in common with a 19 year old because we are such different places in life. He may seem mature and advanced and all those interesting things but the things that peek your curiosity now may may end up being the very things that cause the relationship to not work out.

A man of his age is often looking to perhaps settle a bit - focus on his kids and career. Are you ready for all that?

For me, the biggest red flag is that he wants to "take care of you". You aren't a child, first of all and you don't need to be taken care of - you've just come from all that, now is the time to take care of yourself and be independent - as you said yourself.

It sounds like he might want to take over your life and mold you into who he wants, not who you are. Don't accept money from him and don't ever quit your job. Don't allow him to "take care of you" financially because he may see that as now you owe him and you are dependent on him.

You can go out with him a few times (have coffee or lunch) but don't cave into pressure to get physical with him or become his girlfriend.

I do wonder why he isn't into a woman his own age? Is it because they won't let him run their lives?

He may well sweep you off your feet, giving you things a young man your age cannot, but don't be blinded by this. You are your own person.

Keisha, take things very slowly. The other red flag is that you are feeling a bit weird about the whole thing yourself. Listen to what your gut is telling you. If it doesn't feel totally right, it probably isn't .

Has this helped?

Susan

September 24, 2013 - 11:55am
Keisha lee (reply to Susan Cody)

Thank u for ur opinion Susan Cody and it did help me out in making a decision, what u've stated made a whole lot of sense furthering my education has always been a first priority for me and i cant see any thing tht will hold me back from doing so. may god bless u abundantly and keep doing a good job.

September 24, 2013 - 2:30pm
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