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am i depressed?

By August 8, 2010 - 2:48am
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I am 21 and i have no job i am going to school i live with my boyfriend and i feel like i am worthless because i cant contribute to the relationship money wise my boyfriend doesn't make me feel like i have to but ever since i was little i did everything for myself since my parents were always high or in jail. my parents are drug addicts who only care about their addiction. i had an abortion last year and it is barely hitting me. my grandmother who i was extremely close to passed away in the beginning of this year. and lately i have been having back pain and i have been taking Vicodin and im afraid i might become addicted but without it i cant sleep and im scared that i might be depressed

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HERWriter Guide

Dear R34lly

Thanks so much for your post and welcome!

I'm so sorry about the death of your grandmother - it must have been extremely hard for you - it sounds like she may have been more of a mother than your biological one.

I think it's fantastic that you are going to school - keep that up if you can. I'm like you, I always paid my own way and when I needed help, it killed me because I was proud of my self-sufficiency. Even if no-one makes you feel in any way bad about needed financial help, it's us doing it to ourselves. However, you aren't needing help because you party all night and lay in bed all day. Everything you are doing is for your future and it's all boiling down to very hard work and determination on your part. You should be very proud of yourself, particularly coming from two drug addicted parents who are self-absorbed. You have yourself to thank for your own successes (and yes, you are successful) and you deserve every happiness.

I agree with you that Vicodin is all too easy to use for sleep, for pain and for feeling relaxed. That medication is a narcotic to be used for pain only and it's easy to get hooked because you sleep well on it and it eases your emotional pain (temporarily) as well as your back pain. Be very careful with this medication - you'll need more and more to be satisfied and it WILL likely lead to addiction. Addiction is clearly in your family - you are treading on dangerous ground here. I can see you know this, however, and kudos to you for recognizing that this may lead to bad places.

R34lly Boo, it does sound like you may have real depression here, but you'll need a professional evaluation. I know you are not working and are probably tight for money but I'll bet your college has a program that provides support for both physical illness and mental illness. These programs are usually free or on a sliding scale. Please check with them and make an appointment for therapy - they will often offer a while series of therapy sessions for you.

If you have insurance through college you can go that route too, but I do think you need some professional help and I certainly think you deserve a helping hand here, after all you have been through. If you can't access help this way, there are other avenues to look into. I can help you there too.

Please update me about what you think about this and know that we are here for you 365 days a year.

I'd also like to link you to our Depression page, please take a look and you can also read the experiences of other women : http://www.empowher.com/condition/depression

I look forward to hearing back from you soon and hang in there; we'll guide you in the right direction.

August 8, 2010 - 9:28am
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