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am I wrong?

By August 22, 2012 - 10:05am
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back in feb 2012 I met the most wonderful man I have ever met.he was all the things I ever wanted in a man.I was very honest with him about myself,I was with a paralized man for 15 yrs and didnt have sex.I finally left him because it wasnt a healthy relationship there was alot of mental abuse.I overcame that and left.I had another breif relationship that was based on sex,that ended when I wanted more.I got into another brief relationship it was wonderful he was sweet to me respectful he made love to me and I hadnt had that in so long it was great.5 months in I find out he is a heroin addict.I was so devistated but I did the right thing and said good bye.It was hard but I knew I couldnt make him stop.then I met my love,he was a single man for 8yrs living it up,had a very nice apt.he fell inlove with me.he told me on our 4th date he was gonna marry me.within 2 weeks I had a key to his place and we never left eachothers side.he is romantic sings to me makes up cute songs with my name.brought me around his family nobody else ever did that.he came to all family functions on my side and nobody ever did that.he bought me things ( I dont think that counts but am mentioning it)he took me places I had never been.by march he was staying at my place and still had his apt.we dicided after 5 months our living arrangements were silly so we are renting together,a beautiful home the nicest I have ever had.he told me it would happen and it did.the past 2 months I sex has kind of declined,then he got laid off and we are having problems financially.I am 33 he is 36 I havent had alot of sex in my life and am a very very horny woman.I am very comfortable with my body so is he but now he never wants to have sex and I miss it.he says we have lots of time for that.im so fustrated with him.I feel like he played me,he tricked me,its false advertisement.he is amazing in bed I will not cheat on him but I dont know what to do.the last 2 times we had sex he came in 2 minutes and left me hangin.should I be mad or am I being selfish.I know I have been deprived but I chose that life and waited to change maybe to late.I just feel like Im not pretty and notice I have been seeking male attention,just email or txt and not sex talk,just interaction.I just dont know if this is a deal breaker is it a warning sign I dont know what to do.I wish I could ignore him but I am very affectionate and he sometime thinks Im silly.he tells me he loves me everyday but is it enough?

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HERWriter Guide

Hi miss inexperienced

Thanks for your post and I'm sorry for your troubles.

Your title is quite telling - "am I wrong"...it's not about who is right or wrong, it's about finding a way to keep this relationship strong.

Instead of thinking he tricked you, ask yourself what you can do to help the situation. It sounds like you're fine when the gifts are there, with the big house and the travel, but once problems start (like financial or sexual) you get frustrated and a bit demanding.

Getting laid off is very difficult for someone, not to mention the financial issues and feelings of hopelessness and even depression.

Instead of focusing on the fact that you are a "horny woman", take the time to ask your boyfriend what you can do to make things better - to make him feel better and how you can both work together to be the happy couple you once were, even if you don't have much money.

Ask him if he feels some therapy might help and suggest he start spending several hours a day looking for work so that his job is now to find a job - even if he's over-qualified. Remind him of all his strengths - he's hard-working, capable, smart and wonderful. The self-esteem (and self-image) of a man is often tied up in his job - what he does for a living. So this can be doubly hard for men, if they don't have the social circles that unemployed women have.

Give him time to think and talk and please don't bring up the fact that you are horny. That's the last thing he might need right now. Focus on being a loving partner who is willing to see him through this tough time.


August 22, 2012 - 11:47am
(reply to Susan Cody)

I guess I am just so use to being the only one that works and being "the Man Of the house"I supported my family with my ex for 16 of the 18 we were together.I enjoy sex as a stress reliever but I guess not everyone does.I am supportive but it seems to not help so I just get annoyed.he will not take a job that under pays him and thats where we have different thinking methods.in the work field he thinks he is all that and a bag of chips so he is above it.I try to tell him 9.50 and hr is better than no 50 an hr.thanks for the advice.I did come home yesterday and did something I have never done....went for a jog around my neighborhood alone.It felt good and I think helped with my aggrivation. I made us all a great homecooked meal.I didnt hound him for hugs and kisses and he actually was being more affectionate and we made love too.I just need to chill out...I just have fears cuz I was in a relationship with no sex for most of my life.thanks again

August 23, 2012 - 4:35am
HERWriter Guide (reply to miss inexperienced)

Hi again!

You never mentioned any of his behaviors in the first post so all I can go on is what you tell me. If he is showing disrespect about jobs being "beneath him" or is a bit arrogant about what his capabilities are and what he will take then that's another story. These days are not the right days to have such an attitude!

I'm glad you had a good night last night and that things improve for you both!


August 23, 2012 - 11:46am
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