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Boyfriend is paranoid about pregnancy

By Anonymous July 26, 2016 - 10:26am
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My boyfriend is 29, I'm 22. He is an army veteran. We met back in February and started dating then, but have been in a long distance relationship since May. We had sex together back in March, and that was the only time. I've tried to talk to him about it many times, but he says that he is too paranoid about getting me pregnant and ruining my life since I'm starting law school in a few weeks, but insists things will change once our lives are less busy and less stressful. I respect and understand that, but it's really upsetting bc I feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore even though he reassures me that it has nothing to do with me. I've tried to tell him that bc I'm on birth control and he uses condoms, there is nothing to worry about but he still is paranoid. He has had sex with other women in the past, but they were all women that he wasn't in love with, just very short term relationships. I'm really unsure about what to do at this point, we just spent a weekend together and nothing happened although we showed our intimacy in other ways. His paranoia is putting a damper on our relationship. I don't want to end things with him, and I don't think he is cheating on me bc of his past experiences, but there has to be a reason for the paranoia and I just want to improve our relationship. Is there any way to fix this problem? Any advice on how to address this problem would really help.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for reaching out to EmpowHER with your concerns!

I do think you are right - this has nothing to do with you - it has to do with him. Law school is a long, hard road. You'll be stressed for the 2-3 years it takes, then studying for the bar...passing the bar...starting a job as a junior lawyer who has to put in long hours - life is stressful. There will always be something - law school, buying a house, new job etc. So if he wants to wait till life it stress-free you could be talking years! I think this may be just an excuse to cover up what is really going on.

I can't tell you what his reasons are but I doubt they are paranoia about pregnancy. With you on the Pill and him using condoms, pregnancy risks are about as minimal as you can get. Something else is going on that you need some honest answers about.

Obviously he is having a hard time being really honest but I think your gut is telling you something isn't right.

Couples counseling can help but he'll have to admit there are problems to begin with. It's a hard topic to bring up but you also have needs and it's time to have some adult conversations about both your expectations.

Please keep us posted!


July 26, 2016 - 2:25pm
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