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Hi I need some advice please. I have been going out with my boyfriend for over 2years. I am 28 and my BF is 26. I had noticed him a little distant and he has been going out alot more, with his single friend who has just returned from travelling the world. Alot of our friends have got engaged and are getting married and during the week, I called him to say we needed to talk about our relationship. He came to my house straight away and we talked. He said he loves me no matter what i think, but he lately felt he was missing out on single life, when out with his single friend. (just that one friend in particular) we had a good talk and he said he would distant himself from that friend and reassured he that he had never cheated on me. He also said he felt under pressure to get married and that i was way to good for him. I let him no that i dont want to get married yet myself! which I dont, and if there was ever talk of the future it was always him bringing it up. After the chat he said he felt much better and his head was clearer. (I gave him the chance to go so if he wanted too he would have went then) I also said to him if he wanted to be single he could go, cause i wasnt going to be in a r/ship with someone who didnt want to be in it, but i was prepared to fight for him this time as I do know him. He also recently met with his birth Mum and I know he has a lot of things going on in his head. He said he just felt really unsettled. Since the Talk he has seemed to come back to me! I have asked him a couple of times how he feels now and he says fine, i know i have to stop asking him. I am also a very jealous person and due to a previous r/ship i have real trust issues so since this talk i feel really insecure even more than i have had and very unsettled. What if he realises in a couple of months again he doesnt want to be in a relationship. Is this normal in relationships to have a wee wobble or to have those feelings? Oh i just feel terrible and slightly depressed! Help plz
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Hi,
Yes, yes and yes! It is completely normal for everyone's feelings to fluctuate (I like "weeble wobble better!). Think about your own feelings toward your friends, family...even your boyfriend. Those change, right? Sometimes you are happy to be with that person, other times they are annoying. All perfectly normal. It is actually a good sign that you too are able to communicate about difficult issues, and he feels like he can trust you with sensitive information about his feelings.
I would even bet that most people, even in the most committed, mutually loving long-term relationships have had that feeling...the feeling to want to be single again, if just for a day. What matters is how people act on their feelings; it is more troublesome when people hide their feelings from each other.
Please know, also, that there are no guarantees in relationships. Your fear could come true: he may change his mind in a few months and want to be single. But, you may change your mind, too!
I hope you don't live in fear of what might or might not happen in your future relationship. Enjoy your time with your boyfriend, with your friends and family, and by yourself, and you will have many rich and wonderful memories no matter who is still in your life five years from now.
August 1, 2010 - 5:48amThis Comment
Hi Alison
Thank you so much for your reply, sound advice! I wish i had such a posistive outlook!
Thankyou again for taking the time to reply! Really grateful!
Mags (Ire)
August 1, 2010 - 7:30amThis Comment