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Boyfriend Uninterested, Should I be worried?

By Anonymous August 19, 2011 - 6:45pm
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. Both of us were virgins and we had sex (for the first time) three times a couple of weeks ago, and then I had to go out of state for some family related issues. For the first couple of weeks that I was gone, we talked about sex, even masturbated together on computer web cameras. Now, suddenly he's too tired to ever do that, doesn't talk about sex, and asks ME if something is wrong when I try to be sexy. What am I doing wrong? Should I be worried that he's getting his urges serviced elsewhere? He's supposed to be repairing our rented house so we can live together, but he seems to have put everything off now, spending his money on things he doesn't need, rather than trying to get out home fixed up. What should I do? He still says he loves me and that he "wants" me too. But I never see any of that passion. Should I be worried? I feel so rejected.

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In all likelihood, he probably does still love and want you, but that is a separate issue from what is going on with him. If I had to guess, he is probably stressed about this big commitment, and not sure how to communicate his mixed feelings with you.

From the tone of your question, it sounds like you are feeling a little "poor me", which is OK...but if you are displaying this to your boyfriend with a little guilt mixed in ("why don't you love me anymore" type questions), then he won't feel he can communicate his complex and mixed feelings with you. He'll be trying to save your feelings so you don't feel even more sad for yourself. Please know that his withdrawing from sex is a symptom of something: he needs to feel secure and have space to be OK with his feelings. Relationships are going to have mixed-up feelings (not always lovey-dovey, but sometimes questioning...which is all good).

Does this all make sense? What are your thoughts? Have you asked your boyfriend how he is feeling about moving in...what that entails as far as his future (the good AND the bad)? You want to make sure he can communicate his doubt or fear with you, and not hide the "bad" feelings...I'm sure you have little pangs of doubt, too, and it's all in the name of a healthy, secure, long-term relationship.

August 20, 2011 - 6:22am
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