I am a girl of 19 years of age. I go to highschool, soon finished. I have a pretty normal life with friends and a loving family and good grades at school and I would describe myself as a normal and put together individual. However, this is not the case when I am drunk. When I have had adequate amounts of alcohol I start acting really weird and innappropriate! I lose all rational sense, I lose my things, I eat food I normal wouldn't even touch, I forget what people tell me just minutes after and I forget important information. Furthermore I lie and make up weird incoherent stories! Also, I often say things that make no sense and I feel that my trail of thought is very scattered and irrational. I flirt with anyone and everyone (boys and girls too) and get very promiscuous to an extent that I could be talking to someone and suddenly just kiss them. It also happened once that I was kissing a guy whilst touching the thigh of another guy - at the same time. It's as if I want the attention from every guy and as if I want to seduce every guy - no matter who it be. I could almost go home with anyone (despite this I haven't put this thought in to action many times.. but I make weird promises to people that we could have sex etc.). My mood fluctuates between overwhelming happiness and a feeling as if I am on the top of the world and melancholy and emptiness. I say things that are embarassing, rude, peverted and generally vulgur and inappropriate and inside I cringe! I have also noticed that people look at me in a strange way: either a concerned look or sniggering. In general my behaviour is embarassing and I also can't stop talking and repeat my self a thousand times to people around me. I also have a tendency to talk about a person almost right in front of them (so they can hear it). I am always extremely ashamed of myself and I feel so depressed and embarassed when people tell me what I did the night before - Sometimes I can't even recognise myself and others have told me that it was as if I was a complete other person. This bothers me. When I get drunk I also get really friendly toward everybody and also kind of gullible. In general I would say that my mood and my behaviour is very muddled and incoherent! It's quite a contrast to my normal behaviour. Also I can drink A LOT. Eventhough I don't drink often (maximum 2-3 times monthly). When I drink I usually limit myself the amount that causes me to act so strange because it's best avoided. I always regret everything and feel as if my world is falling apart the morning after because of mere shame! I get really depressed and sad about having to face the music when people talk about it. I'm starting to wonder whether this behaviour is an underlining mental illness or personality disorder. I don't know many people that act so peculiar. I'm wondering whether the drunk me is the "real me" and the sober me is an act or a suppression of who I really am. Don't know what to say, I hope you can help. I don't know who to ask.
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