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My best friend was just diagnosed with Genital Herpes. She was with a guy for almost five months and just recently felt comfortable enough to not wear condoms (even though it's not completely secure). Anyway, come to find out the guy was sleeping with other women, and told my friend a week ago that a girl he messed with was positive for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea. So my friend has type 2 diabetes and her sugar has been high which caused her a yeast infection. She went to the Dr and while she was there she told them she was exposed to those two STD's, tested positive and was treated. The medications to those two STD's caused her first outbreak. The DR told her she was just infected within the past 14 days. This guy was the only man she's been with since her husband left her. Her blood tests and things came back negative when she tested right before her baby was born.
She calls this guy and tells him that she has herpes. And he basically didn't care and ignored her for days. So when she sees him online, she messages him and tells him they needed to talk, he goes on to say that about 4 years ago a girl tells him about 4 months after they were sexually involved that she has herpes and he was tested and it came back negative. He tests every 3 months and he is negative. But he was the only person she was sleeping with and her ex-husband does not have herpes.
I read somewhere, where a man accused his fiance of cheating because she had herpes but he didn't, his tests always came back negative. Came to find out after 3 different doctors that he was the carrier and gave it to her. And there was a comment of a girl saying the very same thing.
Could this be true. I know you can't really tell where a person got the virus from. But I believe this man knowingly gave this disease to my friend. She is still trying to deal with it, but I guess she wants answers. Like will she be able to have more children? And how can she go about this without affecting anyone else?
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I been with a guy for about 5 months i just recently found out i have herpes. He has had all kinds of bloodwork they came up negative. Hes the only guy i slept with in 24 years. The last person was my ex. I dont know how i got it.he swears he only slept with me and 2 other women
October 20, 2014 - 10:26amThis Comment
wow thanks. my boyfriend just admitted last night he knows he has herpes, and we have not been using a condom i am devastated, as i am highly traumatised anyway. yours is teh most uplifting article i have read.
December 16, 2010 - 1:15amThis Comment
I'm so sorry to hear that your boyfriend has not been truthful with you, and by his omissions may have affected your health. Of course you are traumatized! Now you MUST take steps to learn how to deal with herpes and protect your health, and make some difficult decisions regarding your relationship with your boyfriend. It may be hard right now, but you need to make your health and well-being your priority. He obviously hasn't, and that speaks to his character and values. You have a lot to think about, and I hope you will remember that your needs have to come first. Good luck!
December 16, 2010 - 10:09amPat
This Comment
The links, especially the one on the emotional aspects, will help you better understand what she's feeling and how to support her. It's hard to know whether or not this was a deliberate act. Men and women pass on STDs all the time out of ignorance and for other reasons. What's important is that she focus on her own needs. Sometimes just listening when a person needs to vent is a wonderful gift and accomplishes a lot even if it may feel like you're not doing anything. A lot of people have no one to talk to at all, and having a good friend like you is priceless.
Personally, I have a chronic form of leukemia and do know what it's like to learn you have a long term disease and your life has been turned upside down. My best friends spent a lot of time listening and taking the cues on what I needed from me as I went through the sorting out process and acquiring information. You are doing the right things. It might help you to understand the stages of grief people experience when they face transition. While the principles were originally applied to terminal illness it's now recognized that they apply to all major transitions and that people bounce back and forth between the stages before they reach the stage of acceptance. http://changingminds.org/disciplines/change_management/kubler_ross/kubler_ross.htm
Your friend is grieving for what she had before she got the diagnosis. We don't really prepare people for dealing with these things. The fact that you care enough to ask how to help is remarkable. This will get better, but it will take time. Hang in there.
November 10, 2010 - 8:49pmThis Comment
LoveHer - Thanks for your question, and for supporting your friend. It sounds like she's going through a very rough time and really needs your support.
There are a number of issues with testing for herpes. It is possible for people to be tested and not get accurate information. Some tests aren't accurate. It also makes a difference as to whether the testing is done with or without symptoms. The following page from the American Social Health Association provides more detail on the problems and issues: http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_learn_testing.cfm
A person may show symptoms within days after contracting genital herpes, or it may take weeks, months, or years. For this reason, it can be difficult for people to know when and from whom they may have contracted the virus.
Currently, there's no treatment to cure herpes; however, there are medications to treat symptoms and control outbreaks.
Three antiviral medications (in pill form) are approved by the Food and Drug Administration. All of these medications work by attacking the herpes virus and disrupting its ability to multiply.
If she chooses to, she will be able to have more children. She will need to take some precautions and become educated on the risk factors, but having herpes does not mean she can't have a baby. Most women with herpes, in fact, have normal vaginal deliveries. You can find more information here: http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_learn_pregnancy.cfm
Your friend will be able to have relationships in the future, but education is critical so she knows how to protect her own health and the health of future partners. In brief, the safest way to prevent the spread of genital herpes is to avoid sexual contact during an active outbreak and to use condoms for sexual contact between outbreaks.
Your friend has a lot to learn, but before diving into all the facts and information it might be best to first deal with some of the emotional aspects of getting this condition.
This page will help you, and help her, and I would start with this: http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_emotional.cfm
Managing herpes takes some work, but it can be done successfully. The key right now is for your friend to focus on her own health first and learning all she can to stay on top of and manage this health condition.
November 10, 2010 - 6:39pmThank you again for looking out for her, and we wish her the best.
Take care,
Pat
This Comment
Thank you. We will definitely check out the sites. And we have been speaking with her Dr closely as well as a friend who teaches Sex Education. She has been doing tons and tons of reading on Genital Herpes. I will continue to encourage her to take time to deal with her emotions. She has already began to take precautions as far as her family goes, but I am worried she is not spending enough time focusing on herself.
She is not in denial, which is a good thing. But is seeking as much information on the condition as well as how to manage her health. She stayed in bed the entire next day once she found out, but bounced back immediately. Perhaps too fast. She started a new job and is smiling. But I think she is wanting to cut out relationships all together. The thing she cannot get over is that someone purposely gave her this disease that she can never get rid of. Someone she thought cared about her.
How can I be more of a supportive friend to her? I was the one who actually looked at the outbreak and we decided it was Genital Herpes and she needed to go to her Dr. And I am just letting her vent and trying to be positive, but I don't want to over step my boundaries because I do not have a long term disease so I cannot relate to her exactly.
November 10, 2010 - 8:01pmThis Comment