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Can stress from your relationship stop u from getting wet or having orgasm with my mate?

By Anonymous April 22, 2009 - 7:25pm
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I've been in a relationship with this man for yrs... He cheated on me several times but I forgave him each time, now we stay 2 gether but the trust isn't fully there... we have sex it's great but I can't seem to get wet or cum. Could this be a sexually infection or just stress taking over? What can I do to have a orgasm and get wet again with him? He's frustrated and I am too.

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EmpowHER Guest

Stress in general will alter your health. On the other hand, you are dealing with infidelity. I am sorry that you are dealing with the trust issues. I know I was in a really bad relationship about mistrust but not about infidelity. The worst thing was I never wanted to have sex with him and if we did have sex, there was nothing in between us it was simply a physical activity. Pretty sad.

I ultimately left him and moved on with my life and do not have that same issue with my partner now. It is unbelievable what you miss out on being stressed out in a bad relationship. There are good men out there that will treat you well. Plain and simple.

I think the underlying reason may be how you feel about him, in my opinion. I would suggest yoga to calm the stress in your life but yoga will not fix the trust. I hope this helps you, please let us know what you try to do to sustain the relationship.

April 26, 2009 - 9:29am

Dear Anon,

You've had a tough time over the last few years, I can tell. And I echo Alysia's question as to why the two of you are still together. Can you talk a little about that?

What has he done to prove to you that this will not happen again?

Or is it that possibly you feel that you don't deserve anyone better? Or that you can change this man's behavior toward you in the future?

In answer to your question about sexually transmitted disease, I have to say yes, of course it's possible that this could be a factor. Unless you have safe sex every time -- meaning with a condom, absolutely every single time you have sex -- then you can get an STD. Even then, you cannot be 100% certain.

Since your partner has been unfaithful to you, I hope you have used condoms when having sex, and I hope that both of you have been tested for STDs. If not, can you have this done (whether or not he goes)?

I'm not saying that your desire, arousal or lubrication issues are symptoms of a sexually transmitted disease. But anytime one partner has been unfaithful, in essence you then sleep with every person they have ever slept with. If your boyfriend cheated on you three times, then you are at risk for any STD those three partners had as well as any that THEIR partners had. So you really need to get checked out.

And as far as your orgasm and lubrication issues, sex for women is such a mental act as well as a physical one. It tells me that you're not 100% there with him -- which is so understandable, since your trust has been shattered by the affairs.

Here's an article on moving forward after infidelity:


Please write back and tell us a little bit more about this relationship and why you have hope for it in the future. There is a lot of support here at EmpowHer that you can take advantage of.

April 24, 2009 - 3:42pm

I doubt that your lack of lubrication is due to a "sexual infection"...do you have any other symptoms?

Stress can effect lubrication, but do you feel overly stressed? I am not sure I would describe your lack of trust for obvious reasons a sign of "stress"; it is a that your body is not fully aroused (my opinion), and that it has more to do with your body "signaling" to you that you are not able to sexually be in the moment with your bf whom you are not able to trust.

Our bodes sometimes tell us things our minds do not want to hear!

April 23, 2009 - 2:39pm

Anon - I'm wondering why you stay with someone you've lost trust in. It's really small wonder sex is not enjoyable for either of you, since your relationship has been so seriously compromised by his infidelity.

Have you tried relationship counseling?

April 22, 2009 - 7:44pm
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