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Complete lack of sex drive

By Anonymous June 27, 2015 - 8:19am
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I'm 25, my fiancé and I have been together almost three years, and I am so not interested in sex.
When we first started dating, we were all over each other and had sex everyday and more. Then I had to stop using nuvaring about a year and a half ago because I couldn't afford it anymore and I don't have insurance. My sex drive tanked, and it really has never come back.
I love my fiancé dearly, and I want to be physically intimate with him, but I'm always worried he's going to initiate because I just don't feel it anymore. I'm still attracted to him, but the thought of sex is kind of a chore. Most of the time, I'm just waiting for it to be over, or I have a physical response (usually to the point of orgasm) but I just don't enjoy it. I think I'm bored with our sex life, but I also have no desire to experiment, as I enjoy a large variety of kinks, and his idea of dirty kinky sex is anal, which I also don't enjoy because of his size (it's just always uncomfortable). I don't know how to talk to him about it and I'm terrible at expressing my sexual desires, especially when it involves me saying no or asking him for something I know he doesn't enjoy doing. He always asks me what I want during sex and I just draw a complete blank and can't think of ANYTHING or he say he wants to do something and I won't want him to, but I can't say no so I just don't say anything (at least if I don't explicitly agree to something during sex, he won't do it, even if he wants to).

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no problem feeling horny or taking care of myself when I'm alone, but as soon as it involves him, my libido tanks. Help!

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Hello and thank you for sharing your question.
After reading your story I think its fair to say that you do NOT have a libido issue. You do enjoy feeling horny/sexual, but you do not know how to feel that with him at this point
It seems that you are in a sexual rut with your partner, not because you don't like/want sex, but because he does get you in the mood. This is a mental block which then translates in a sexual block
In order to pass that block you must connect emotionally and mentally with your partner before having sex. There needs to be more than just physical motivation.
Do not expect that after typical day at work, you can hop into bed and feel like having sex. There needs to be more.
In which case, you need to create the sex life you want and not let him be in the driver's seat the whole time.
This might mean, playing a competitive board game with him while sharing a bottle of wine. Take a night stroll and star gaze.
Do some activity that will help you feel mentally, emotionally connected with him. When this happens, the need to connect physically will follow.
Good luck and let us know if you have any more questions.

June 27, 2015 - 10:05am
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