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Complete lack of sex drive?

By June 27, 2015 - 8:54am
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I am 25, I am engaged to a wonderful man, and I have a no interest in sex anymore. My fiancé and I have been together almost 3 years, and when we first started dating, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Then about a year and a half ago, I went off my nuvaring because I couldn't afford it without insurance. My sex drive just tanked after that - I have no problem getting horny and taking care of myself when I'm alone, but when it comes to having sex, I couldn't care less. My body still has physical reactions, and I still orgasm, but I'm just not feeling it anymore. It's not fun, I don't look forward to it, and even though I prefer to wear as little clothes as possible at home, I stay dressed and prefer not to change in front of him whenever he's home because I worry about him initiating sex. I'm not naked cause I want to have sex, I'm just comfortable that way, but he can't handle that without starting something. He never forces it on me, if I'm say something or appear really blah about it, he'll ask me if I want to keep going or he'll just stop completely, but I feel bad turning him down because he has a high sex drive and I never want to have sex anymore. I just don't get aroused when he tries to turn me on. Its not that he's doing it wrong cause I've showed him exactly what I like, I think I'm bored with our sex life cause I just can't get my head in the game anymore?

I love my fiancé dearly and I find him attractive, but I don't know how to talk to him about this. I don't even have a desire to experiment in the bedroom anymore (I have a pretty wide variety of kinks I know I enjoy but he is pretty ingrained vanilla - his idea of kinky hot dirty sex is anal, which I don't enjoy because of his size. There's really no way for it to be comfortable).
I don't know what to do anymore. I used to enjoy having sex and I would look forward to it all the time but it's become a burden of sorts and I don't know why. Help! I feel like our relationship is physically stagnant and I've never been with someone this long before and I don't know how to get that spark or my sex drive back. In the past, I would just switch partners to fix things and the fresh chase would put me back on track until I got bored again but that's not an option anymore - we're getting married in four months and I love him.

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Hello and thank you for sharing your question.
After reading your story I think its fair to say that you do NOT have a libido issue. You do enjoy feeling horny/sexual, but you do not know how to feel that with him at this point
It seems that you are in a sexual rut with your partner, not because you don't like/want sex, but because he does get you in the mood. This is a mental block which then translates in a sexual block
In order to pass that block you must connect emotionally and mentally with your partner before having sex. There needs to be more than just physical motivation.
Do not expect that after typical day at work, you can hop into bed and feel like having sex. There needs to be more.
In which case, you need to create the sex life you want and not let him be in the driver's seat the whole time.
This might mean, playing a competitive board game with him while sharing a bottle of wine. Take a night stroll and star gaze.
Do some activity that will help you feel mentally, emotionally connected with him. When this happens, the need to connect physically will follow.
Good luck and let us know if you have any more questions.

June 27, 2015 - 8:38pm
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