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Could i have depression?

By October 26, 2009 - 9:49am
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i recently moved down to edmonton alberta back in april, away from my family and friends. i do have one friend that moved out here too, but i never see her. i'm more irratable, i get angry at little things, frustrated when things don't go my way or my fiance's way. i do have a 10 month old son, who is a complete angel. i lucked out with him. but i have a saddness deep down inside of me. i feel like crying for no reason, only because i miss windsor so much. i know gfetting used to a new town isn't easy. but is there a test i can take to see if i have depression? my brother does not want me on any pills like prozac. but i want to feel more better for my self. and my surrounding.

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HERWriter Guide

Hello PrincessCoffee -
It's very common, and normal, for people to feel sadness for a period of time after a major loss, whether it's leaving a community, losing a job, getting divorced or other events that involve transition.
I too suggest you talk with your health care provider about your situation. I'd also recommend seeking out resources locally to learn more about your new community and meet your new neighbors. is there a Convention and Visitor's Bureau that provides local information? A Chamber of Commerce or other business group? A group associated with a neighborhood church or other spiritual organization?

I don't know your interests, and what's exactly right for you, but there's bound to be some organizations and activities in your new community that were like those in your prior home. Once you start thinking about one thing like that, it usually leads to thinking of more, and before you know it, you've got a lot of options to consider.

I don't mean in any way to diminish the impact of a major move. I come from a military family and have lived in multiple countries and states, and each move had challenges. But I also found that accepting the move and working to find out more about the new community made the transition a whole lot easier, and a lot more fun and led to new friendships.

Best wishes to you, and let us know how you're doing.

Take good care,

October 26, 2009 - 6:32pm
HERWriter Guide

Dear Princess Coffee

Thanks for your post! I'm sorry you are in such a funk right now. You may be sad, you may be depressed. Only a proper evaluation by a health care provider can really tell you that although there are signs and symptoms that we can talk about in the interim.

By reading what you've written, it seems that you have reasons for your sadness. In a way, this is a good thing! You have moved cities and left all your friends and family. Therefore it's normal to be sad and we don't want to take pills to cure something that's normal. Instead what we have to do is change the circumstances that are causing your sadness. You are feeling lonely and isolated so this needs to change. Join playgroups with your son. And join playgroups where the parents head out on nights out without their kids so that you get adult time, not just parent-child time. Try www.meetup.com for a group like this - they are everywhere and I know people who have had great success with groups like this.
Exercise. Join a rec center or gym (or walking group). Exercise is a natural treatment for feelings of sadness or depression and does your body a lot of good too. Eat well and get to bed at a decent time.

I hesitate to direct you to one of those websites that "test" for depression because they are not all reliable and may plant ideas in your head or encourage you to self-diagnose (either way). Rather, take a look at Empowher's Depression page for detailed information about depression - it's causes, symptoms and treatments. Here you will be given the opportunity to compare how to feel to the information given and perhaps recognize some of your symptoms. Various treatments are also discussed.


And remember that there are also conditions like post-partum depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder and other subsets of depression that could be an issue.

If you see that your social life improves and your diet and exercise routines are good - that you have a good emotional support system and you still feel this way, it's certainly possible that you are suffering from depression. While I agree with your brother than medication should be a last resort, you may find that it's necessary. It's up to you and your doctors and you should proceed with caution, but don't rule any treatment out just yet.

I think it may be a good idea to talk to your health care provider for an evaluation at this time, as well as working to improve your life in the ways discussed above. Get in touch with the friend you have locally and reconnect with her. Do you have a husband? Is he providing support for you?

Please update us a little more and we'll be happy to work with you further. Thanks again for your post and remember that there are many, many treatments for how you are feeling. Some may be as simple as getting out more and increasing your physical activity and some may entail therapy, medication or other methods can also help you. But do know that help is out there, as well as here on Empowher.

We hope to hear from you soon and we wish you the best!

October 26, 2009 - 1:38pm
(reply to Susan Cody)

i have a fiance' he works monday through friday, and sometimes some over time during the weekend. we are behind bills, but out son is well fed. we may go without sometimes but we rather our son then us. i know there are food banks but that is our last resort. i get in a few arguments from time to time. i had lied to my fiance' a couple of times about how i get some things for my self, and this past week i went to go see a movie with a from from out of town. he was asking me if i was going alone, and if i was lying about my friend comeing down for a visit. cuz h found it fishy that she had to go back to her home town because a friend of hers got into a car accident, but he's doing much better, so she came back for the rest of her stay. she was on vaction, so she came back and made plans to go see a movie with me, a little girls afternoon out. but my fiance' didn't believe me once again. it made me upset, and my eyes were red the whole time. i had to wear sunglasses inside the mall we were in so i don't get asked a billion questions. i wish i can join a group of parents but i seem to not find any time for my self these days, let alone days to go out walking by my self. or read a book. i used to role play all the time with my friend on msn, but that seems to fade away, and ahe gets mad and makes me feel bad for not doing things she likes to do. i want to tell her whats on my mind but all she'll say is "lets role play, get your mind off of things" i try to tell her that right now all i want to do is share my feelings, talk to a friend about whats going on in my life. but she'll turn around and say that we are not the friends we were used to be, and that we should end our friend ship. just because she can vent on me and i can't vent on her. my othe friend is always talking about her boyfriend, whome i do not like. but support her all the way. but she seems too busy partying to talk to me, let alone give me a call. i talk to my ex gay boy friend, some times, and he usually cheers me up, but after i'm off the phone with him i get sad a agin till my fiance' gets back home, then it's a good 3 hrs of silence till bed. i ramble alot... sorry, but let me know what you think. and thanks again.

October 26, 2009 - 10:29pm
(reply to PrincessCoffee)


I wanted to offer my support, too. Susan C was recommending www.meetup.com as a playgroup that both you and your son can join together! It is hard as a new mom to find time to yourself...and this is (unfortunately) normal. It does sound like the best thing for you is to get out with your son, and meet other moms with 10 month old children.

I have joined two playgroups, and both my (now 3 year old) son and I have made great friends, and I have watched him blossom socially in a group of same-age kids. Playgroups are free to join (or, if there is a Mom's Club in your area, the membership fee may be nominal...like $20 per year, and they may wave the fee for financial hardship). There are too many social outlets for moms and their children to feel isolated these days! You can also go to a park, a mall with an indoor playscape...or anyother kid-friendly location and strike up a conversation with another mom.

I also moved to a small town where I knew no one, and it took 2 years to finally be able to say I have friends. Those two years were difficult; I met some nice people, but sometimes didn't feel like I "clicked" and most of them were just acquaintances. It really does take 18-24 months to feel like you belong somewhere new.

The other situation that sounds difficult is some of the communication-barriers that are happening between you and your fiance. Do you know why he is distrusting you? This may be a reason to seek counseling, as the communication between you two does not sound ideal, and could be feeding into your sadness and loneliness. Does your fiance have an EAP (employee assistance program) at his work, that provides free counseling to employees and their families?

October 27, 2009 - 8:32am
(reply to Alison Beaver)

i'm not too sure, he goes from job to job every few months so it's hard to say. he is distrusting me because i had lied to hom about smokeing, i knew if i told i would have to quit cold turkey which is hard for most people and or not have him in my life and go back to my home town, sure going back home seemed like a good idea. i may have some craveings for ciggerates but i don't have my own money to buy any. i only smoled the really light stuff, wasn't a huge smoker, only in large groups. it's hard when i'm sitting beside some one at a bus stop and the wind carries the smoke to me. not gonna tell them to get away from me cuz i'm quitting cold turkey. free country right, i went through with draws but try to keep my self busy to keep my mind off of smokeing. we have some car troubles too, his '02 blue intrepid needs a new engine, so we have that sitting on our black, but he misplaced to keys so he can't move the car. then we purchsced a car off of his brother and'92 crown vic, that pretty much sucked alot of our cash flow a good $2,000 or so, now this '83 red volvo staton wagen. the heaters don't work, we need winter tires. the back trunk door won't close so our car is at risk for theft. and now he is thinking about purchacing another car off of one of his mothers co-workers. i told him no, either stick with one car or car pool, cuz we are in debt becasue of the cars, i know he wants a working car, he has to think of our fiancial situaton first. he should get the back door fixed as quickly as possible. and try to get a good deal on winter tires for the red volvol, i tried voicing ym concerns but he thinks that i was sapping at him, sfter that iwas, i was telling him the difference between snapping and voicing my concerns, but no he seems to not trust me still. my friend had told me to get s family doctor and maybe see a family or couples therapist to maybe mend of what we got left. 'cuz i can't keep running i circles anymore it hurts too much. but thanks for your advice, i'll look into some of those ideas for my self and my son to meet more people. just gotta find the time between house work and makeing meals.

October 28, 2009 - 4:49am
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