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Dad does not want Dialysis, what is his life expectanty?

By Anonymous July 24, 2009 - 2:21am
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Dad is 82 has kidney function on last result of 13%, about 6 weeks ago. He has said no to any treatment so he has decided to go on conservative care. dad also has COPD, MGUS, diabeties, to name a few. His symptons at the time are - he has lost 4 1\2 stone in a few months, breating obviously getting worse, coulour very grey in face, tiredness, walking and standing very difficult as he has been left with no feeling below the waist from a severe case of shingles many years ago (this has got worse over time) not eating his food like he did, ,that was on of his pleasures, he plays cards with the old guys in the village a couple of times a week and has a pint or two he finds now he is feeling sick after taking a mouth full. we know he should not drink but there is nothing else for him and to say no more beer etc then he would not go out at all. my mum is in a nursing home now with alzeimers so he is on his own, i am his carer and have always been around for them both. i have read most of the stuff the pre dialysis nusre gave us on our last apponment. i guess he does not have very long and no one can put a time on this. My daughter is getting married next year and she has decided to go to Florida and of course dad wants to go. i am just trying to gain as much information i can so if there is anything we can do we will. i know you can not put a time on this but any advice would be helpful.
Thanks for listening,
Barb :0)

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HERWriter Guide

Barb - absolutely put that money in the bank - don't book yet. Then the money is there if he can make it or it can go to you or your mom if he cannot. You don't sound awful at all for saying it; there are many circumstances that make us all think this way. You probably feel that it's some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy but it isn't. It's just being hopeful but practical.

Your parents have a truly wonderful daughter and they must be lovely themselves. It's good to see you all sticking it out, even though it's hard - especially for you. Alzheimer's is a horrible disease but once it's there full-force, it's most hard on the family members.

And I'm with you on the boys. What is it they say?
A daughter's a daughter all of her life - a son is a son 'till he gets a wife....

Please keep posting about this or any topic you like. We look forward to talking to you more and are here to support you.

July 24, 2009 - 9:31am
HERWriter Guide

Dear Barb

Thanks so much for your share and welcome!

It does sound like your Dad is terminal. Honestly - why deny him his pint? Even if he can only have a few sips, it makes him feel good. Makes him feel "normal" and part of the crowd at the pub. I say let him have his little pleasures.

Some people, especially those over 80, often elect to not have treatment. Sometimes it's because they don't think the side effects will be worth it, and sometimes because they feel that, either way, their time is limited and they want to spend it doing what they want to do. Maybe it's skydiving or taking a trip abroad, sometimes it's having a pint down at the local and playing cards.

If you Dad wants to go to Florida with his granddaughter next year, then let him plan it. If he doesn't make it, he doesn't. But what if he does? Life works in funny ways. It's wonderful to live for the moment but no matter what our circumstances are, we need to live today as if there will always be a tomorrow. Otherwise, what's the point?

It sounds like you have been a rock for your parents. They are extremely lucky to have you. I'm sure you can look forward to the same kindness from your own kids. This kind of family goodness has a tendency to filter down through the generations.

So how are YOU doing? Are you very sad or are you ok with both your parents diagnosis? Are you a little overwhelmed? You have been so supportive to them, I hope that you also get some support. Do you have other family and friends you can lean on?

July 24, 2009 - 8:03am
(reply to Susan Cody)

Thanks Susan, at the moment I do not feel like a rock i feel like a sponge taking on every body elses problems. this past few weeks have just been more and more bad news on health issues across my family and i am so fed up with what is happening. My mum and dad are everything to me, i will miss my dad so much he has always been there i am a daddies girl even at 52. i have a wonderful husband and two fantastic children Timothy 34 and Sarah 30 they are both very helful to me. they both live away from home now and my son has two wonderful children and my daughter is happy with her partner Ken they are the ones getting married next year. My mum does not know any of this and it is her i mess terribly as she was always there to have a chat with and always new if anything was wrong. now i feel as though the roles have reversed, i have spoken wihtthe nurse in the nursing home and they agree with me not to tell mum as she sould not remeber anything and what is the point of telling her and upsetting her for a while then she would not realy know and you would have to tell her again. My dad i am there once or twice aweek at the moment, i call in after work and i am there every saturday to shop clean and spend time with him. he gave me a cheque for his holiday booking for Sarah's wedding but i don't want to book it , it is not till next December 2010,and i can not see him still being around then, i sound awful don't i. I have thought about just putting it in a savings account so its cashed as Dad will check that i have put nit nin the bank. I have two brothers but you know what brothers are like they have never been one for visiting only a couple of times a year so i do not think it will change now. Any way i feel i will benefit just from putting this down and knowing there are people i do not know but will be friends to reach out to when needed. Cheers Barb :0)

July 24, 2009 - 9:27am
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