Did I do something wrong?

By Anonymous May 23, 2010 - 12:51pm

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Alright well I'm 22 year old female. With a 41 year old male.... I've been with him for 2 years. A lot of people find it rather odd but I love the guy... We used to fuck like rabbits all the time... atleast 3-5 times a day... Now it's been 3 months since we've even just fucked. The asshole can get me all turned on then he just roles over and goes to sleep. I'm at my wits end and don't know what the fuck to do. I've tried seducing him. Role playing with him. Anything to get him just to fuck... Now is it the fact that he's lost his sex drive or is it me? I mean I'm not fuckin ugly by any means. Now I've been with a couple guys that have cheated on me in this type of situation... Do you think he could honestly be doing that? Is there anything I could do to help him get the urge to just fuck again?

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Alison Beaver

Have you talked with him about your need to be physically intimate? (I assume you also want to be emotionally intimate...although your language use lends itself to sound like "all you want" is a quickie and then to be done with it, just to get your way).

If you are able to have an open, honest and healthy discussion with him, what does he say about his needs and wants? Is he feeling physically, emotionally, mentally close with you? Does he want the relationship to improve in these areas as well? If so...how does he think things can improve? If he thinks everything is fine the way it is, does he care that you have concerns? Is there room for compromise or a discussion about what you both want in the relationship?

May 23, 2010 - 8:01pm

toughmama2009 (reply to Alison Beaver)

I've tried to talk to him about everything that has come between us... I want to feel intimately close... But I'm to the point that I would settle for a quickie. He refuses to talk about how he's feeling or how I can help fix it... What more is there to do?

May 24, 2010 - 1:56pm

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Diane Porter (reply to toughmama2009)

Hi, toughmama,

Unfortunately, both people have to want to work on a relationship when there are issues like this. Neither one of the people can fix it by themselves. If your partner refuses to talk and refuses to be intimate with you, there's not much more to do. The decision now rests with you: Is this something you want to live with for however long it goes on? Or is it a breaking point for the relationship?

May 27, 2010 - 8:12am