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ask: Does anyone have experience having a baby at 49?

By JulieKSH
 
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I am almost 49 with 2 kids and have a very strong desire to have a third child. I still get my period every month and I never had a fertility problem, so I know the chances are slim but I wonder if I could get pregnant. I am about 25-30 lbs. overweight. I'm worried about birth defects or other health issues for the baby, medical risks to myself, financial stress, and the psychological issues associated with having a child who may lose his or her mother at a young age. Despite these worries, I really want to have a child. Has anyone had a situation having a baby at almost 50?

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have to say, that it is a matter of how we feel about ourselves in this matter. I have just turned 49, I have one daughter 25. I am with a younger man who has no children. We have discussed this option and I am willing to give it one last shot. I think for me, is will I have a shot to try and if I do, where can I go that will give me the best support. With all that is against me in flesh, my spirit is moving me in the direction of trying. I am a praying woman and have much faith in our Creator, so for me, this is an important time. Be not discouraged by the ways of man, for All things are Possible to those whom Believe, and if the child does not come of your loins, then the child will come through another medium. Either way, let not your heart be troubled. I pray for all us older younger women, whose bodies feel, and look and seem as if it is possible. Keep on moving towards that dream...Pray in agreement with each other to have strength to get through the challenges. Be the miracle....Amen

August 28, 2014 - 10:38am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My DH and I have been trying for 9 ys. I delivered our very first at the age of 49. This was not a natural pregnancy but IVF. Got the gamut of stupid comments in addition to very supportive comments. You just have to wade through the stupid comments, let them slide off your back, and do what your body is telling you. Because of my advanced age (crunchy old eggs and sparse) and DH swimmer issues, we had no choice but to go to DE IVF - I don't regret it one bit and although saddened sometimes that he does not look like me, all of the stupid comments and sad feelings disappear when he reaches his little arms for me or hunts me down with his commando crawl with a great big smile on his sweet little face. We are considering doing it again for a sibling for him in fact. Some days I think it is crazy when I have an ache or pain, but other days my DH and I think what the hey?! Let's just go for it. Babies at this age keep us young! :)

May 23, 2014 - 2:49pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Thank you for sharing your story! I too am 49 with a beautiful 7 year old son I conceived naturally and pursuing DE IVF as well. However, i have made my down payment and scheduled to proceed but having a last minute panic attack as I am afraid of serious illness or death because of preeclampsia risks etc! I am losing sleep and agonizing over whether I am being selfish and putting myself and my husband and son in a situation that could be devastating! I am healthy, not over weight and did not have preeclampsia at 42 when I had my son. But with age and other factors, I know that it can still happen. What should I do?!

Thanks!

Beth

September 17, 2014 - 7:17am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Beth

This is a decision only you and your husband can make, unfortunately. 

I know IVF is very expensive but having paid the down payment shouldn't be the deciding factor. You also have to listen to your own intuition. Follow that as well as listing out the pros and cons, as well as the practical and financial implications. You need to make these decisions soon. We wish you the best in whatever decision you make! 

Susan

September 18, 2014 - 4:48am
MsDeeva

I am pretty much is your shoes right now. I am almost 49, I have 5 children, 28, 27, 21, 19, 15. I am now remarried, 6 years, my husband is 36 and has no children of his own. He really wants to a child, I am somewhat apprehensive because of my age, possible complications with pregnancy, and baby. I am about 25 pounds over weight. (currently working on the weight issue). I'm otherwise very healthy.

I really don't know what to do, I know the clock is ticking. I have 11 more years to retire from my job. I've been looking forward to this, and traveling, as well as just having time for myself.

I'd appreciate honest opinions.

September 28, 2011 - 7:42am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to MsDeeva)

Hi MsDeeva

Thanks for your post!

The same advice above is pretty much the same for you. Your husband knew your age going in so expecting to have a baby wasn't completely realistic. A 36 year old man marrying a near 50 year old woman and expecting a baby with her is not necessarily going to happen. Obviously you are at totally different phases in life; you have had to family, he has not started yet. We forget that technology aside, Mother Nature still rules the roost. I hope he's not putting pressure on you!

Very fit, healthy women at 49 still have 49 year old eggs. So getting pregnant the natural way be very difficult. Instead of trying the old-fashioned way, you may be better off going straight for IVF and use donor eggs. The choice is yours but it sounds like you want a baby for him, not so much for you? If this is the case, then don't have a baby. You'll be back to feedings, diapers and colic in your 50s when you have clearly been looking forward to retirement.

But if you really want this, then you have the absolute right to do that! But you don't have the luxury of waiting anymore. Time to make the real decisions!

Good luck!
~Susan

September 28, 2011 - 10:02am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

Hi Julie!

I agree with Diane that it's not incredibly unusual (although it's still 'unusual' for women to give birth at 50) and it's doesn't matter what society thinks. As long as you can physically and emotionally handle a newborn at 50 - who cares what the world thinks (bear in mind, however, that 'society' will have some commentaries but I'll talk about that in a minute!).

I would like to caution you about actually getting pregnant. The odds are VERY much against you. It can happen, of course, but it's extremely difficult. You may also risk having twins, or in the case of IVF - even more. Downs Syndrome is also a pretty high risk. At 40, the risk is pretty high at 1:100. At 49, you have a 1:12 chance. That's huge. I don't want to dissuade you at all (I had my kids mid-30s which is considerably later than average) but want to you know all the risks, as well as the benefits. And there ARE huge benefits to have kids at an older age, as Diane pointed out.

There will be social issues to contend with. You'll be 55 with a kindergartner. You'll be mistaken for a grandmother. People might make unkind comments. If you don't care (and you shouldn't, but let's be real - it can be hurtful) and you have a great support system and your husband is happy to do it, go for it.

Many celebs over 40 use IVF - some are very open about it but most don't like to talk about it although Courtney Cox, Joan Lundon, Cheryl Tiegs and Christie Brinkley have been very open about it. There is nothing wrong with IVF but just bear in mind that a lot of celebs having babies over 40 are using IVF. I say this so you know the financial aspects of it. IVF is pricey and it isn't always successful.

Adoption is also a great choice, if you want to have a baby. Some countries have a cut off age of 45 but others do not. Unfortunately it's so hard to adopt domestically (a pet peeve of mine) so start the process now, if you want to consider it.

If you have had children and are a great mom, then you will be again! But make some crucial decisions now before it'll be a perpetual dream and not a reality. I wish you the best in your decision. It sounds like you have a lot to offer a child - however they come (or came) into this world. It could be a new, fabulous beginning for all of you!

October 23, 2009 - 11:43am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

You're the one making all the "unkind" comments you idiot. It's people like you who believe in "statistics" that she needs to avoid completely.

June 28, 2014 - 8:01pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Nothing unkind at all, in what I am saying. 

This lady has virtually no chance of having a baby naturally at 49. Do you know anyone who has had a baby at 49 without IVF? The odds are close to zero. 

I'm giving a realistic answer. Building someone up to believe they can do something their body won't allow is unfair and completely wrong. 

IVF and egg donation are a whole different matter. 

Best,

Susan

June 29, 2014 - 2:52pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

Yes Susan, I do. My friend did. Keep your pessimism to yourself.

June 29, 2014 - 2:55pm
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