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Does he want me?

By September 23, 2011 - 2:47pm
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My fiance and i have been together for 2 and a half years. I have a son from a previous relationship and we have a daughter together. He treats my son like he is his since the father is out of the picture. I love him very much but i have very bad trust issues. My ex cheated on me for 8 years and then married her. My fiance just got a promotion and has been working like crazy i mean like 14 hour shifts for the past 2 weeks. when he comes home he gets text messages all night till we go to bed. we haven't even had sex in 2 weeks. we also have been fighting a lot because since there is no sex i start to feel very insecure and feel like there is someone else in his life. He barely takes me out anymore and now he wants me to get a job (after saying he wanted me to be a stay at home mom for kids) so i can be a more independent woman. which i really would love to get a job and get out of this house but it makes me wonder what his reasoning is. why does he want me to be independent all of a sudden? he tells me that when i stop being insecure is when we will have sex again. since we have been fighting all the time he doesn't want to touch me. please help. i feel like everything is my fault and if it is can you please tell me how to fix it?

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Now he says that he doesnt want to talk about it with me because this is something personal with him. he isnt mad at me he says he says this is a huge decision that he has o make himself. we have been really good the past couple of days and i am hoping that that is a good sign.

September 28, 2011 - 9:54am
(reply to summerp)

My husband has said that to me before when we would have problems. Actually, it is a good sign that he is trying to figure things out, but he has to remember that clear communication is key. If he doesn't talk with you about what he is going though..that can cause problems later on. If you guys are serious about your relationship and want it for the long run, communication needs to be 100% at all times even if it is something he doesn't want to talk about. I sure hope he figures things out. Sounds like you care for him a lot <3 Best of luck to you!

September 28, 2011 - 11:40am

If you use Verizon, check their website and log into your account. They have certain notifications you can get via mail and email.

September 26, 2011 - 12:19pm
EmpowHER Guest

i dont really want to break his trust but i feel like i need to know. how do i look at the text without him knowing? he is now telling me he doesnt know if he wants to be with me. he says its cuz of all the fighting. i really appreciate your story. it has helped me.

September 25, 2011 - 8:43am

If you don't mind me sharing my story:
i met my husband in 07' - got into the relationship on sex terms (meaning we had sex first time meeting one another, sad?) Anyways, it was great! We actually fell in love with one another. Couple years later had a son - he didn't touch me ONE time when I was pregnant. I was lucky to get a kiss goodnight. I think my pregnant body repelled him. I had my son, he immediately had sex with me. I was still healing from having my baby with so many stitches but I guess with the bun out of the oven he wanted me again. I INSTANTLY got pregnant with my daughter. He didn't touch me again the whole pregnancy. Now, its been a year since having my daughter. My husband rarely gives me kisses, can't remember the last time he's french kissed me. Our sex life goes about every month and a half. Now, I found the culprit....after years of wondering why he didn't touch me, why he didn't feel the urge or why he rather text on his cell phone than talk with me and why we always fight!
His reason from his mouth: "Honey, I'm tired" "Babe, I've been working all night and you expect me to do that!" "Heather, you're silly bringing that up"
How I found out he doesn't want sex or desire sex is due to his medication. Each time he would have sex with me - he would be out of his meds and desire me for a day and maybe two days.
In your case, it sounds like your husband is being over-loaded with work. Can you monitor his calls/texts? You can easily set up a account online and see what his texts/phone calls are saying. I have done that with my husband for when he lost his phone. Although, he should NOT be telling you that you need to find security before touching you. That is BS! Every single woman needs their MAN there to feel secure about herself. If he's not touching you, you feel ugly. If he's texting on his phone and not talking to you, a little more insecurity. I threatened my husband with divorce - that was the last time he took me for granted! Maybe you should give him a reality check. Sorry this is so long. I'm kinda ranting about my own relationship too...eek. Hope all turns around for you!

September 23, 2011 - 8:06pm

It is apparent that your trust issues are negatively impacting your relationship with your fiance. That is something that you need to resolve. You need to learn how to trust again. You need to develop self-esteem and a strong self image. A psychologist or therapist can help you do this.
I am only hearing your side of the story and your fiance's responses by your words, not his. It would be beneficial to your relationship if the two of you can talk honestly and stop using sex as a bargaining chip. If you truly love each other, you can work this out. You may benefit from couple's counseling. A trained counselor will act as an impartial person.

September 23, 2011 - 4:09pm
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