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Does Sex Hurt

By Anonymous June 16, 2011 - 5:16pm
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My boyfriend and I have recently been thinking about having sex for the first time. I am a virgin but he is not. When we were discussing it the other day, he told me about his first time. That the girl was bleeding alot and she was screaming. And I want to have sex with him I really do, but I'm very scared about the pain. So scared that it makes me change my mind about ever having sex. Is it really that bad? Will it really hurt as bad as I think it will? And will i really bleed alot?

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EmpowHER Guest

Every woman is different. The experience his ex had to me seems very extreme. And like Rosa said it should be uncomfortable not extremely painful.

June 17, 2011 - 11:56am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)


My opinion is that sex should not need to be "uncomfortable" at all -for many women who are prepared (lubrication, lots of foreplay) it's very pleasurable although for most, it's a little scary because it's something new and yes, some do find it a little uncomfortable but certainly not all.

For a woman to be bleeding everywhere and screaming in pain - this man must have been hurting her in some way. This is completely abnormal and I'm not sure why he felt the need to even tell you this. If he's being truthful, he obviously paid no attention to her needs and was all about plunging in without a care as to her well-being. What kind of a man does that? And any man would have stopped IMMEDIATELY!

If he is not telling the truth, he is somehow playing mind games with you. The whole situation makes me very uncomfortable. I also wonder if he is saying this to scare you away from choosing another man. The whole scenario just doesn't scream "truth" to me.

I wish you the best and make sure any man you sleep with is worthy of you!


June 17, 2011 - 1:17pm

Hi Anon,

Every woman's first experience is different, whether you bleed a lot, a little, or not at all doesn't mean one will be more painful than the other. Your first sexual encounter will be perceived differently by eavh person--However, it should not be unbearably painful...I would describe it as uncomfortable. If you are sure that your boyfriend is the person that you want to give up your virginity to, then the discomfort will go away soon after that first time.

All the best,


June 17, 2011 - 7:39am
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