Facebook Pixel

fear of intercourse

By January 10, 2014 - 8:19am
Rate This

hello.!!..iam married and iam having fear of intercourse.we want to plan for kids..iam so depressed and really wanted to overcome this..i make my mind but once i enter the scene all that fear comes..i am really helpless and really really wanted to overcome this..please help me..

Add a Comment11 Comments

hello Susan!! thanks for ur support..yeah its sounds an good idea will try that out..and what i came across on research is VAGINISMUS..but iam not sure are my symptoms leading to vaginismus...and one more question ..is pregnanacy causes only through deep penetration ..and what are the chances with my case....tq u in advance

January 13, 2014 - 8:32pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to dollm)

Hi again dollm!

No, there is no need foe deep penetration but full penetration is far more comfortable than just a semi-insertion. But as long as there is ejaculation, you can get pregnant! 


January 14, 2014 - 11:55am
(reply to Susan Cody)

thank you for ur reply...i really appreciate for quick replies..and do my problem related to VAGINISMUS....?and one more question is it ok to use pre-seed lube..is it sperm friendly ?

January 14, 2014 - 12:28pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to dollm)

Hi again

I don't know what pre-seed lube is - do you mean a sexual lubricant to make sex easier? Yes, that's fine to use and it will not kill sperm.

You may have some kind of physical/psychological issue going on here - I do think you should see a doctor to see if something like vaginismus ( http://www.vaginismus.com/ ) or vulvodynia ( http://www.empowher.com/condition/vulvodynia/definition ) could be the problem but you would need to see a doctor for this.



January 15, 2014 - 11:57am

Dear dollm,
I had exactly the same fear cuz i always felt it would be too hard to let go of my virginity and i was too protective of myself, also i was always scared that i might do it with the wrong person so I just never did it, so that i dont regret later. I was also very very scared of the stupid stories girls write about how much it hurts.
Well, I did it yesterday and I couldnt feel better.
Maybe you need to ease up a bit? I was quite uptight about it too so I kinda know how you feel.
Maybe you need to discuss this with your husband.
I'm sure if you tell him about this, he'll be understanding and careful while you guys do it.
Love, xx.

January 10, 2014 - 12:51pm
(reply to superwoman)

hey thanks alot for ur support...hez so gentle but problem is me iam not able to get out the fear..

January 10, 2014 - 9:13pm
HERWriter Guide

Hi dollm

Thanks for your post!

Can you tell us where you fear is coming from? Have you heard stories about pain or discomfort? Were you raised thinking that sex was something bad or dirty?

Have you been able to have sex at all and is your husband supportive of your fears?

Sorry to have some many questions but we need to know more before we can help you!

We hope to hear back from you soon!


January 10, 2014 - 11:32am
(reply to Susan Cody)

And one more thing i cant insert my finger..and wont let my DH to do it..but i say iam fine with is pennis...i know that stupid logic..but im helpless

January 10, 2014 - 9:15pm
(reply to Susan Cody)

Hello Susan!! thank you for ur reply
1)on our weeding night my Dh tried to insert but as he tried i got freaked out..and since then i belive the fear started..and we havng oral sex..later i noticed just tip of his pennis going in me that too sometimes ...and so scared of deep penetration so i wont widen my legs ..so i feel that may b d cause...and my Dh os so supportive and so caring...iam in deep pressure.. i want get out out of this...i can handle this mental pressure anymore..i tried but once i enter the secene evrytng change...please help me

January 10, 2014 - 9:11pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to dollm)

Hi again Dollm

I agree that the mental pressure is awful. Using a lubricant can really, really help with penetration but what you are going to have to do to solve this is to relax. You entire body is tightening up, even your vagina, causing you to be unable to relax enough to have sex.

Some women have found that romantic movies help (including soft porn), or reading erotica, in order to become more aroused. Is this something you would try, do you think?


January 13, 2014 - 11:52am
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Sex & Relationships Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!