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Final stages of of Illiness would a person be able to make final choice or judgment.

By Anonymous January 20, 2011 - 10:42pm
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My mother had Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. She doesn't want to make a living will Etc. She think she will just died quickly. But I worry She doesn't have much money and have a home not paid for and some credit card .She now have a big bill to oxygen company because she doesn't understand the bill and I just found out when she move in with me. I am still raising my kid . My husband is my full support and thank God We are OK . But I wanted her to pay her bills and catch up with the bills and save so she will have all the thing that she needed as she lives. I want her to decided that while she in her right mind to prepare her living will written down on legal paper. But she refuse, she believe she is going to die quickly. But I know that sometimes it not true . I want that all my family work together and I am not left Holding the bag. she 75 yrs this is 4 yrs diagnosis I know now she more depend on Oxygen. She angry with me and my sister

tell me that I am crazy tell her that. So I told my mother to go live with my sister and she can make help her. My sister has no kids. I have a son finishing high
school and 15 yrs and 13 yrs old children. I Know that IF she doesn't control her money and prepare for future it going to be every hard on us all. I don't want any of her money She can live with me freely and eat with us. But I want to have the thing she need in her final day . So please tell me more how can one be prepare in all different always?

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HERWriter Guide

Anon - It's heartbreaking to read your concerns for your mom, and thanks so much for writing and sharing them. I am a leukemia patient and am single, so I am my own caregiver. While I am doing well now I also know my illness could turn on a dime and kill me and have had to take into account the same concerns that you have.

The more you understand your mother's illness, and can relate to it with her, the better. Here is a link to information that will help you understand many different aspects. http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/pulmonaryfibrosis.html

The Pulmonary Fibrosis Foundation may be able to help you in gaining information about the final stages of the disease and what patients experience. http://www.pulmonaryfibrosis.org/

If they can't help you another group that typically has local chapters and strong support services is the Lung Association. http://www.lungusa.org/

I don't know your mother's age, but I've found that older patients can be very reluctant to take a head on look at their illness and life situation. I hope you will continue to be patient and work with her as best you can so that you can help her, as well as yourself and your own family.

Take care,

January 24, 2011 - 5:58pm
HERWriter Guide

Hi again Anon,

Thanks for your update and I hope others in a similar situation will give some of their input.

I'd like you to take at look at our IPF page that's full of information as well as questions and comments from women like you-

Let me know if this helps you,

All the best,

January 24, 2011 - 1:34pm
HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your question and welcome! I'm sorry that your mom is in failing health but you are right to want to get her to get her affairs in order, otherwise you may be left "holding the bag" so to speak.

The problem is that you cannot force someone to do this. They may want to avoid doing this so to avoid the realization that they may die soon but you say she thinks she will die quickly so if this is the case, why is she refusing to get her affairs in order? Do you know?

What you can do is contact an attorney and her doctors and establish that she is capable of handling her own affairs - or not. If she is not, you can file to have power of attorney on her behalf. If she's fine, then make sure nothing is in your name (loans, mortgage, credit cards) so that you cannot be held liable for her debts if she dies.

Make sure your family is supportive of you and be prepared for your mother to be really angry with you. But this is a legal issue, as well as a medical one. We cannot give you any kind of legal advice here. Your mother is making life very difficult by not sorting out her affairs but only she knows why she's doing that.

Please talk to her doctors and an attorney and see what they say. You may be able to do nothing at all but make sure you are protected from any of her creditors.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, I know you're not out for any of her things and only want to care for her. But you are right to have these concerns.

Please keep us posted and I wish you the best,

January 21, 2011 - 1:36pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

thank you Susan for your advice it nice to know that I am thinking right. My mother think that she will be control even to the last minute in life. She want the doctor to tell her how she will die. I told her no one can tell her that. Do most people die slowly or some fast she want to ask her Doctor. Can someone give me their testimony about how a love one pass away. So I can know what to expect from this illness.

January 23, 2011 - 9:49pm
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