ask: Got a Sex Question You Need Answered? "Ask Me Anything", Says Dr. Marty Klein

Why does sex drive sometimes come and go, in women?

One month it can be gung-ho, then for a week there is not much drive, then back to normal, and so on.

I put it down to fatigue (work, kids, lack of sleep) but is this normal in an otherwise healthy, happy person?

I got your questions that you emailed in to our news room.

I'll put them on the list.

Todd

Hi,

My husband and I have sex only once every 3-5 months. It is frustrating, because when we have a good discussion about it, we both agree the ideal is once/week. However, when the time comes, the intercourse itself is quick and somewhat uncomfortable. When I try to speak up for myself, he shuts down and doesn't want to hear any critiques. So, on we go another couple of months, and I figure I'm lucky if we have sex at all. I can't bring up "the subject" no matter how gently and non-threatening; he barely initiates sex as it is, and talking about sex pushes him away (he was brought up that talking about sex is dirty; I think talking about sex is fun, interesting and sexy!). Oh, and the initiating thing--- I do 99% of the initiation; when he does, it is awkward and immediately onto one of two particular areas on my body...not exactly slow, soft and sensual.

Do other men do this? He is so afraid of any critique and emotionally over-reacts or withdraws; it's like he believes the stereotype that men are supposed to "know what to do". He says he never felt like he compares to other men who are more "suave" and "sexually savvy" with women, and feels judged and inferior when we discuss sex. I promise: I'm not judging! He is uncomfortable that I am comfortable talking about sex.

I wanted to ask this question for myself, but also other women who have male partners who don't fit the "typical male" stereotypes (and their men think there is something wrong with themselves because of this).

Please help!

Hi, Dr. Klein, I just read your article on EmpowHer about whether it matters if you're sexually "normal." What about when a man feels the urge/desire to wear women's lingerie while having sex with his wife. Doesn't that cross over the boundary of "normal?"