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guy problem

By Anonymous December 8, 2015 - 11:27pm
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So this guy on Facebook message me and wanted to talk and for the first time a guy is messaging me and normally that never happens and we talked and he's everything I've always wanted a guy he's an athlete he's respectful he's sweet he's just so caring and amazing and once I'm starting to feel happy and so we talked 3 weeks and then he asked for my number and I gave it to him and we started texting it was really sweet and fast eventually down the line I was always a supportive really caring sweet person so I would wish you good luck on his games and then I would ask him how he did and he wouldn't respond and it kind of threw me for a curveball because my insecurities about who I am just sarted to get to me Ben and depression ever since high school graduation about myself because all my friends are in relationships or they were engaged or having babies and I had none of that and now I'm starting to feel like great and the ugly beast and whatever and I can't even get this one guy to communicate with me and goes to Baylor University and he plays football and I know that the football schedule at Baylor is insane crazy with workouts and this and that so I got that part but I'm still confused on what I did wrong I don't want to make excuses for him and be like oh you got training we've got practice but same time that is part of his life and he will be busy but I just don't know what to do like I don't want to move on just because of this because football season is almost over and it just might be a chance but then again its like they are just move on and try to be someone happy but deep inside I don't want to move on because this guy is everything I've been looking for and praying for and he does make me happy so I'm just like in a spot where I'm so confused and I'm so depressed I'm so sad because I don't understand

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thank you for your post!

I think what you have fallen in love with is the idea of having a great, football playing boyfriend who is a wonderful person. The problem with social media is that people message each other all the time and stop the messaging at any time. Meanwhile one person may start having an emotional dependence and the other person is just texting a bunch of people, not even realizing the effect it's having on the person who has become emotionally attached.

He is probably a really busy college kid with a tremendous schedule. And you are feeling a bit lonely and left out. So you have put far more into this "relationship" that he has. I don't think either of you are at fault. It doesn't sound like you have even met him so you really don't know him that well - only the persona he gives over Facebook and texting. You really can't get to know anyone that way.

If he has stopped texting you then he has lost interest, as hard as that is to face. I know you don't want to let go because that will mean the dream is over and that's really hard to face when you have put so much into something. But it's one-sided, Anon and that makes it impossible to work.

Take a back seat and see if he responds at all. If he doesn't, he has moved on. I also think it's a good idea for you to talk to someone - a therapist - to see why you put so much energy and emotion into someone you never met. And find tools to help you slow down when it comes to this sort of thing and to be able to sort out your feelings in a more healthy way.

We have all had romantic fantasies, Anon. You are perfectly normal. You're not ugly or a beast and don't put too much stock into thinking all your friends are happy. Who knows if they are truly happy? You need to make a move on your life. Get training for something you love and make a career for yourself. You sound young, why do you want to have babies now when there is a whole world to explore? Relationships and babies don't always make young people happy.

Try new things, move to new places and seek new experiences. Please talk to someone about figuring out your life. You have plenty to offer and so much to explore - if you work hard at forging ahead, there is a wonderful life out there for you.

December 9, 2015 - 6:41am
(reply to Susan Cody)

Could I confront him Like ask him the question on why and if I did anything wrong

December 16, 2015 - 8:14am
HERWriter Guide (reply to zay1819)

Hi again-
You can say whatever you like but if he doesn't reply, let it be. He's young and in college - he likely has a hundred people he messages. Don't take this personally; you never met him and no promises of a relationship were made.

December 16, 2015 - 4:04pm
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