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How can he LOVE me if he isnt sexually attracted to me anymore?

By June 1, 2010 - 7:38pm
 
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To start off I am a very sexual 26 years young woman and he is 30 and not so sexual. We have been together for year and half now and in the beginning our sex life was pretty great. Over the last 9 months or so the sex is very few and far between. I would prefer sex everyday but do not expect that from him nor demand it of him. I would say something to him after couple weeks would go by and I couldnt stand feeling upset anymore but it woould always end the same. He would apologize after we fought and a day or so after then we would have sex. He just never seems to be in the mood and he always makes me feel as though he could really care less about sex. In the beginning he almost did want anything to do with me because he thought I was a prude because I would reciprocate his sexual advances while in the process of getting to know him. I have often found stuff on his computer browse history, so I know he looks at porn online and obviously gets 'friendly' with himself. We have had our problems in our relationship nothing big but he is just starting to really take our relationship seriously and doing some really hard work to fix some problems. Hes showing me more appriciation now, more then he ever has. Then out of nowhere and on the ending of a sexless 3 day weekend I get upset becuase again we dont have sex when I had been anticatapting it all weekend, he tells me that the truth is my weight is a problem for him. I know he has 'been with' woman way larger then myself before. I have never been told my weight was a problem for anyone but after almost 2 years its a problem for him? He acts extremely jealous when other guys look at me as though they want me, but why if he doesnt 'want' me? After he said that to me I cried myself to sleep that night and he acts like everything is perfect after that, like he didnt just crush me. He almost seem relieved like now that he said that hes off the hook for good because now I wont want sex from him.* IF* I did allow myself somehow to have sex with him, I dont think that I could. I think I would feel like he was only doing it to shut me up or keep me from sleeping with someone else and while he was having sex with me I would feel like it was pure torture for him. Where does that leave us now because I think he is doing the 'Love Dare' on me to try to work on us. Does he really love me if he doesnt want to have sex with me? I thought when you really love soemone you dont see the flaws. I thought the sexual attraction was on a deeper level then just the outside. Afterall I dont see his massive amounts of back hair and his bald head when we have sex.... I want him just as much as I did the first time. Please, any advice at all would be great! Thank you :)

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I totally understand how you feel ive been dating my bf about 10 months now and the bond between us is amazing i know he loves me as hes constantly reminding me everyday which im gratefull that i have hem. But for a few weeks every time we get intermate im always the one trying it on with hem playing with hem but he doesnt ever touch me then sometimes we wont even have sex at all il play with hem for 5-10 mins then he rejects me :( i know sex isnt what its all about but i feel like im forcing hem by tryin to show hem im intrested we got friendly last night ( me playig with hem of course) but then said it was no point and completly cut me off for a while im only 18 and a size 8 i dont have much boob so i dont expect hem to want to play with them or look at them so i keep th covered but i cant stop thinking he doesnt find me attractive or sexy in anyway i dont wanna talk to hem about it as that would be a big no no but i cant help but think he thinks im ugly or there something wrong with me i sometimes cry about it ive tried dressin up making an effort to look nice but nothing seems to work :( i wouldnt ever leave because of us not having a good sex life but every time he rejects me i try a lil bit harder to better the way i look for hem thinking he might find me a lil attractive but i end up making a fool of my self for trying any advise please would help me out loads

January 10, 2016 - 5:13pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have the same problem. We have been together almost a year now and at the start the sex was great at least once a day. But it soon detiriated and went to once a week now it's hardly ever. I gave him head until he came and had to ask for him to return the favour and it wasn't a straight yes. The next night we had sex but the mood was still there and I thought I would mix things up abit so I went down on him soon to be turned away and he just turned around and ignored me. This has been going on for some time now sometimes we would go 3 weeks without any sort of intercourse and it's completely disheartening. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep and his reply would be that he will go and sleep on the sofa if I don't stop crying, he also always mentions how I should start eating more healthy? Maybe I have gained a couple pounds but that's down to my meds. I have no idea what to do

December 29, 2015 - 6:36pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now. We have had a lot of bridges we have had to overcome, but we always seem to manage. Now, up until a few weeks ago he would throw fits if we went 2 days without sex. & would hover me with kisses and cuddles. But, a few weeks ago when I started my last period everything has seemed different since. First, normally he thinks I'm lying when I say its that time of month. Actually every time he says I'm lying, because he is wanting sex. But a few weeks ago. He didn't care. When I finished I came onto him one night. Tmi I gave him head til he came and instead of returning the favor or getting turned on he said "thanks"
I've also felt pretty down about my self esteem since all of this and would bring up how I feel he is no longer attracted to me. He would ignore me the first couple times. Then went to replying with how he wants to get healthy. (which i have gained weight since being together) So what does that mean?? Am I right??
Also today I've realized he hardly ever kisses me anymore. He hasn't kissed me since yesterday before I went to work. That was at 2p. It is now 4p the next day!?!
He says he loves me and is attracted to me. But I don't feel it. Advice pleaseeeeee

December 24, 2015 - 3:19pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am also having the same problem. He thinks just because he's gone out and had his fun before we got together it's ok not to have also with me or do anything with me. Sometimes I feel like he's not intrested in me. Sex never use to be a problem for us the first year but after that it has been. He says he's to tired or says that's all I want. Not true, I love him and I want to try to please him in anyway I can. I've recently caught him watching porn on his phone and it upseted me it made me feel like I wasn't good enough and I didn't pleasure him. I don't no wat to do but I love this guy we've been together for almost 5 years.

November 15, 2015 - 9:16am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Im in the same boat. My boyfriend and father to my one year old, barely touches me. We dont cuddle or really kiss. I can ask and pretty much beg and he turns me down. Making excuses. Saying we dont have time or we never do anything together when thats a lie. In the beginning. Sex like crazy. Now, nothing

October 14, 2015 - 9:20pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Hi every awesome girlies on here :) (I just like to call females girlies and I am one). I am bisexual I had to get that out there(my b/f says it doesn't bother him). Anyways, I have been 2gether with my boyfriend a little over one year. He is 22 and I am 28. This is the first time I have dated Anyone (male/female) that young. I gave it a chance and I am still. We live together. In the beginning we had a lot of sex but now nothing...like all of you (that are concerned your boyfriends aren't attracted to you &which I feel the same way) . He kisses me every single day and says he loves me. Today I gave him oral and of course it was one sided (even though I love to please him). In fact I have NEVER been so attracted to a man before in my life. My issue here is that I'm afraid he won't want to be with me for life. The fact is I am 28 and don't want flings or mundane relationships. I want the real deal. I look young (always get carded, been told that, good genes, half Asian) but I still have doubts....I don't know if this relationship is going to last forever. On top of the sex thing we have other slight issues but nothing too major. I am enjoying this relationship...while I can. I think I will ALWAYS be attracted to him but I don't think he will....honestly. I feel for all of you and I hope you work everything out with your sig figs. As do I. But some of you (from the ones I've read) probably need to get out of their relationships. I also feel that I might need to do the same. I am in love and love him so much (he says that too) but let's face it...the sex is just not there. He ever=n tries to tell me that I AM a sex addict which I'm not. BUT in the beginning of our relationship HE was the one who wanted sex everyday (sometimes even multiple times a day). I don't know what the point is of this. I guess I am concerned about the age gap and also the sex....I sometimes feel that he is not attracted me. Oh and I want to tell you all that this is HIS first relationship ever. But the age gap still bothers me a tad. I feel lost sometimes. I WANT our relationship to last but honestly I just don't think it will. I don't know what to do. So I am in the same boat. It sounds like a lot of us girlies on here need to most likely end our relationships....even if we don't want to. We all have similar issues not necessarily the exact same. But I feel all of you awesome girls' pain. We all deserve the best and should not settle for less. I feel as though my b/f is the best but the age gap and the sexless issue is REALLY bothering me.

February 5, 2016 - 3:23am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Sweetie this is not on you it's on him. I'm living in the same boat with you. The one thing you as a woman can't do is let this tear you to pieces. He is the one who is missing out on the beautiful lady you are. I would love to start a group for girls just like us so we can communicate with each other.

November 15, 2015 - 2:48pm
(reply to Anonymous)

I would join a group like that. :)

September 6, 2016 - 8:30am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I'd probably join. I'm seasoned. I've been with my guy for some years. More like we met in 2008. We had a off year 1/2. Well enough on the history of it. I'm sooo hurt, heartbroken and somewhat scarred. Other men find me beautiful. I'm not attractive to them though. I'm having a hard time letting go and so is he. We are great teammates and best friends. A good God fearing guy. But he is no longer physically attractive to me I believe. This is making me sad talking about it. Thanks best blessing to you all. I can't continue to speak on it.

January 15, 2016 - 11:46am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Ok I am having this problem.but he hasn't said it's my weight. He says he still finds me attractive and he loves me to death but just had no urge to have sex with me.... he is not sexuall attracted to me anymore.... I asked if physical fell right along side that and he said no he still finds me physically attractive.... someone help me underatand!!!!

July 30, 2015 - 4:28pm
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