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How can I get past my fears about sex without risking myself?

By Anonymous June 28, 2011 - 7:28am
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I feel ashamed that my boyfriend and I haven't had sex yet and it is starting to put pressure on both of us. I have experienced a past sexual assault where I was forced into giving a man oral sex and I am scared of being with a man. My boyfriend has tried to help me cope with that, but the way I have trusted him so far is getting risky. A few weeks ago I allowed him to rub himself against me without a condom. I freaked out and started to curl up in a ball before we could do any more. I have never had intercourse before in my life for my past has always made me flinch away. He said it was okay, but I feel like I hurt him. Also, my vagina started to bleed two days ago but it was faint and scarce unlike any period I've ever had, and it makes me scared that I might be pregnant. I haven't even been brave enough to have intercourse with him and I don't want to tell him I might be pregnant. What can I do?

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Dear Anon,

I'm so sorry you had to go through such a terrible experience. It's natural that you feel scared about sex or anything related to sex. Have you had professional help from someone who is an expert with the trauma experienced in an assault? Your boyfriend sounds like he is very understanding-- he is a keeper. But you may need more than just him to get you through this. Little by little you will learn that not every man is like the one who assaulted you- but it takes baby steps. As for the pregnancy scare, if he just rubbed on you-- chances are you aren't pregnant..it's very rare that someone gets pregnant this way--VERY rare.

Please keep us updated,


June 28, 2011 - 8:28am
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