How to confront an Asperger Husband on his infidelity?

Thank you Alison and Jean. I am terribly confused myself.
I have been married for 11years/ My husband is 45years old and I am 49 years old. Last Monday, his girlfriend called me to inform that their affair is over and my AS husband has told her he is choosing to stay with the family. Whereas I am holding the fort at home and looking after my 9 year old son (who has inherit his AS). I have my sets of worries and fears. Will he start with another woman and uses me as his shelter again. He has used up all my savings. I supported him in business that failed. Now he is jobless and I am feeding him and his expenses. In my country, we do not have social support.
For the sake of my son, I choose to remain patience but I would like to know how to remain sane and to improve this marriage.

one of my a/s husbands obcessions is women[confirmed by psychologist]we have been married 45 yrs.although he appears to be very shy,he is not with women.
he told me i was imagining it for years,it took all my confidence and i ended up with a breakdown.however after councilling my self esteem grew/my husband got diagnosed officially.then we went to relate,a charity that offers councilling to couples where one has a/s.so then my husband could not deny it any more.so now when it starts,all ways with neighbor or woman at church,even my daughters friends.so before he becomes too obcessed i nip it in the bud.i always know cos he talks about these women or girls.[to me]he will openly flirt and be innapropriate and we have lost good friends cos of this.as you said he has never discussed.
so now i am confident i first of all say AS YOU SEEM TO REALY LIKE TAT PERSON,EITHER YOU STOP THIS BAD BEHAVIOUR NOW or LEAVE THIS MARRIAGE AND THIS HOUSE.he usualy saysO I WOULD NOT LIVE WITH HER,SHE WOULD NOT LOOK AFTER ME,i then take the person to one side and inform them about his a/s.one woman said WELL IF YOU SHOWED HIM MORE LOVE,HE WOULD NOT LOOK ELSEWHERE/.i politely told her i had shown him love and affection for 40 yrs,its him who can flirt but not love.he did tell me that as long as he is not intimate then he is not unfaithfull.so yes he can still flirt for england,he still loves chatting to women,but it stops there.he is now terrified of losing his family.so you are not alone

Hi,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am uncertain of the relevancy with your husband's condition or age, as ANY person who does not respond to a concern, and ANY person who "shuts themselves out" of a relationship is not something you can change, and is an effort on their part to retain control.

You said he did not admit to the affair, and you found out about this after a year. I am not sure if he is actively denying the affair, and if you have solid "proof" the affair did happen, you two are still at square one...you can not even begin the healing/saving process until you two can discuss this like adults. If he is choosing not to even accept responsibility, there is nothing to talk about until he does.

What you CAN do is seek counseling, either individually or (hopefully) as a couple. Your husband has to choose better behaviors that can improve or save the marriage (communication, responsibility), and he can start by agreeing to counseling.

Please let us know how you are doing!