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How do I ask my husband what is going on without it seeming like I am accusing him of something?

By October 24, 2010 - 6:22pm
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My husband and I have been together for almost 9 years, married for almost 5 of those years. The past few years have been stressful, but we have made it through. Now, we hardly ever talk, sex is nonexistent, maybe 2-3 times a month, and that is a good month. I know he loves me. I think he still loves me. When he is at home, he watches tv, or is on the computer. I have stopped being on my computer as much, thinking it would help us talk. He doesn't really interact with myself or our 3 children like he use to. He sleeps when he is home, and that is about it. He interacts with his friends. He use to tell me everything, what was going on and with who. Now I have to ask, and he just says nothing. I don't want to come right out and ask him what is going on, b/c it will get twisted on me. I don't know what to do.

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If you are not able to ask your husband of 9 years what is the cause behind the change in his behavior without it getting "twisted on you", it might be time for marriage counseling. And, this is not a bad thing, and does not mean your marriage is in trouble...it means that he is having a hard time with SOMETHING, and is not able to communicate it to you. You feel stuck, not wanting to ask him, but needing to know to help him. He may be depressed, he may be stressed...we could speculate all night, right? Whatever is the change, he is having a hard time with it and a 3rd person (professional counselor) can help him individually, and you as a couple, determine the best methods for communicating with each other.

What are your thoughts? What do you mean by it getting "twisted" on you? Has anything changed in his life that would be a reason for his behavior that seems to include self-isolation from his family?

October 24, 2010 - 8:46pm
(reply to Alison Beaver)

Unfortunately i am suffering from the same issues. I love him so much but it is hard to swallow when i think about how things are going. I miss him so much. We have been together for four years and we are in our 20's & just had a baby. We dont have sex, cuddle, kiss. Im lucky if i even get a hug. We have not had sex in over a year. I miss the lust that we had a a year 1/2 ago. I cry every night because i dont know what to do. he says he would work on it but has not shown any improvement. My feelings are so crushed and i am slowly developing depression again. I just want my man back. Love is such a beautiful thing and i hate wasting time not loving on one anther. I pray to god everday that he looks at me the way he used to. I am crying just writing this because it hurts me so bad to know that i dont have him in my life the way i want him to be. He is my everything and i love him with all my heart. I have asked for us to go to counciling but he refuses. he tells me nothing is wrong and nothing appears to be wrong with him but i know something is wrong because things are not the same anymore. i know there is nothing anybody can do to help me but i just like to know that i am not alone.

October 26, 2010 - 9:31pm
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