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How do i change

By Anonymous January 28, 2015 - 2:26pm
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everything on emotional abuse is dead on for me. Over 25 years of it. Now my husband is starting to realize hes been not so nice and want me to open up, tell him what i want and show him i care.. Well i dont think i do care anymore. i dont know what i like. i havent had my own voice in so long, i dont have an opinion. i second guess every move i make. he says we have been doing what ever we want for so long, we need to make changes and hold each other accountable....UGH.. my whole life has revolved around what he wants.. my thoughts didnt matter. Everything I wanted to do wasnt important or priority. Now he wants me to open up....REALLY. I dont know how. i dont know if i want too. im tired of feeling inadequate. how am i suppose to be itimate with someone that i usually cant stand to be around cause you never know what will set him off. and makes sure i get the rath. i miss the nice guy i married. is it to late for us. How can i stand up for myself and open up.. thats what he says he wants now..but how..how

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post! 

It's interesting that your husband is now wanting to improve your marriage after 25 years but it's better late than never. 

It sounds like he still wants everything done on his terms though and wants decades of hurt to suddenly disappear and for you to show no symptoms of years of abuse. 

Life doesn't work this way. Anon, I suggest you look into getting therapy (on your own) and see where that leads. See a therapist who specializes in broken marriage and spousal abuse. 

Then I think you will feel stronger and better able to deal with this "new" kind of husband. 

Remember that you also have the option to end your marriage if you feel like the damage has been done and you are ready to move on alone. 



January 29, 2015 - 5:43am
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