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How do I get my bf to ejaculate with intercourse and not by hand?

By Anonymous October 2, 2009 - 8:14am
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I have been dating my bf for 3 months and we spend about 3 nights together a week. He went thru a divorce in March, with a seperation prior to that. He has a successful career, is a attentive father, appears mentally healthy and has taken steps to move forward in his life, some new furnishings, bedding, etc to make his home feel like his again. I have met his parents and will be meeting his brother very soon. He plans dates for us in advance and we also do things spontaniously.

The when we are having intercourse he can go for a few hours but not ejaculate. It has never happened. He is completely satisfying me but he cannot reach when we are having sex. He is able to ejaculate when I use my hand. (2x by oral) This usually occurs a few hours after (or in the early am) after we have had sex. I want to please him as well but I feel like something else (could be me, that he is so use to masterbation, it doesn't feel pleasurable inside me (I have children but have had them by c-section)???) is going on. We have a close relationship and are affectionate and communicate freely. We have talked about this 5+ times but what he tends to say that in time it will happen, or when it does it will most likely be over too soon. I am starting to think a lot about this and wonder if I continue giving him a release by hand will he ever be able to go while we are having sex? I care for him and want to help the situation. Please help and advise me what to do.

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HERWriter Guide

Dear Anon

Thanks for your question and welcome!

In subjects of sexual well-being, as long as the partners are consenting adults and all is legal, then there are no "dos" and don'ts" that work for all couples. But there are definitely things to try.

I would not think the reason is that he doesn't like being inside you and this is the why he is not ejaculating during sex, no matter what manner you had your kids. And you know that he is able to orgasm during intercourse, because he is a father. So that's a good thing!

You have only been dating a very short time. Are you his first relationship since his marriage? He may have a psychological issue here, separating himself from the familiarity of another woman. He may also subconsciously be avoiding making you pregnant.

I think it's a good idea, for now, to stop giving him release by hand. See what happens. And since you have talked about it 5 times now, don't bring it up again for a while. I'm sure by this stage he is aware that it's affecting/worrying you but bringing it up all the time may cause performance anxiety (if he doesn't already have it).

Try having intercourse in his favorite positions, in different places and also use words of the dirty variety. Men are usually very responsive to it!

Since your relationship is so new, try these things, but give it some more time. I think perhaps he needs more time to adjust to his new life and to having sex with another woman. Is he still in the same bed as he used when married? This may not be a good idea. And contrary to popular belief, not all men will "do it" with just anyone. He may need easing into things. Be fully supportive of him, even if you find it a bit frustrating. It may be a tender subject for him (it would be for me if I were a guy!). I think it's great you want your sex life to be as good as your other life with him - so good on you for your support of him!

Let us know how things progress with you. If you find in a couple of months that these techniques are still not working, we have sex therapist that may be able to give you some advice too.

October 2, 2009 - 12:27pm
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