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How do I keep him interested in me and not go off and seek another?

By March 23, 2011 - 8:04am
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My boyfriend of three years (my first real relationship) is close to leaving me,he loves me but he's not sure anymore if he wants to be with me.Im 23 but act way younger, Im immature and havent grown into what a 23 year old woman should be, he's 30 and says he needs a woman, someone with confidence, independant, more qualities of a woman,he says im more like a daughter than a girlfriend and im so hurt, because I wish I was a mature womanly 23 year old to make him want me. he says I have no presence or aura like woman are supposed to have.how do you get this?I try to stand tall,be confident when I walk outside but then men look at me and say something and I get shy and look down.

I dont wanna lose this guy,hes the love of my life. what will I do , when he dumps me and in a few months or so,I see that he has got a woman as a girlfriend and he will probably want to do all the things with her that I have dreamed about with him-engagement,marriage,kids,it will tear my heart in two if he leaves me and does all this with someone else. I will feel like I'm not good enough becuas eif all men want a 'woman' what chance have I got in finding someone,im a kid still... :(

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EmpowHER Guest

Hi Leanne,
Thank you for your question and welcome to EmpowHer! It is common as young adults to start a relationship with someone and then move on later. As a first relationship, you don’t realize that this is possibly an adult learning lesson for you. It is ok if he stays or if he decides to move on…because you have learned something out of the relationship (adulthood).

Maturity comes at different times for each one of us. If his main complaint is your maturity level, this will come but it may take some time. Have you ever lived on your own? Did you move from your parent’s house into a house with him? Are you working?

You mentioned that you are still a kid….but you’re dreaming about adult things such as marriage, kids of your own, etc. Perhaps it may be a good time to try to move into adulthood and let the child go. Either way, you are 23 years old and have PLENTY of time to be an adult. Are you in school?

I hope this helps a little. There is nothing we can do to stop him if he wants to leave but if maturity level is a definite issue, I think you can work on that.

Let me know and good luck,

March 23, 2011 - 11:31am
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