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How do you get your boyfriend to want you again?

By October 3, 2011 - 11:51am
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I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. When we first got together the sex was great and we had sex at least once a day. It slowly diminished to once a week and now I am lucky if I can get him to willingly have sex every 3-4 weeks. I recently gained some weight but just joined a gym and am working on losing it. My biggest problem is he will watch porn on his days off when I am not around but doesn't want to have sex with me. He is under a little stress right now but if he is watching porn then to me it feels like he wants it just not with me. Unfortunely I turn 40 this year and am suppose to be in my prime, he is 32 so I kind expected him to want it more. Every time I try to talk about it he yells at me and tells me I am crazy. I mention my weight and he tells me "then get off your lazy ass and do something about it". Funny thing is he gained weight too.... and I am not lazy but I did gain 40 pounds mostly cause what and how he likes to eat. :( I don't want to leave him, and I know he isn't cheating.

At times I think about just taking it but then I think about it being my weight and how he would likely find it repulsive so my insecurity takes over. If he even should any physical emotion toward me at all I don't think I would be insecure but he doesn't do anything. No cuddling anymore, no good kisses, no PDA, NOTHING. Am I crazy??? Any suggestions???

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EmpowHER Guest

Im 26 year old guy how is suffering the same issues as you are but in the guys shoes. It might not even be a wieght issue or appearence at all. have you tried to were something sexy and say i want you to take me now. or even been up front with it. HAve you turned him down alot in the past when he tried to have sex with you and you turned him down because of pety comments he might of said or constantly just stating im not in the mood. Sometimes there is give and take and when a guys in the mood you should at least give him something else if you do not want to have sex with him just to make him feel good because trust me he would return the favor so quickly. Funny fact we love attention too as much as you do and if you gave it to them they will deffenitly give it back and not feel so girly about it. I ve learned some girls tell me it has to be spontanious, well it might not ever happen if they are affraid to touch you worried you going to say im tired, to full, headache or the 3hours of foreplay with you and 5 minutes for them and an opps im done finish yourself, or a i want this to be romatic, tell me im pretty. Mind you we love to tell you your pretty awsome beautiful best thing that has ever happened to me. But thier needs to be a leat 1 -2 times a year were we come home, your in a sexy outfit, legs spread open, and you saying give it to me on the bed, on a couch , on a table, then he goes right in you have the best sex of your life, amazing making out, everywhich way different places, long lasting, passionate. and i bet you after your done youll get the cuddeling the comments you wanted and the passion will come back. Just men are wired to occasionly have some dirty fun sex with their significant other and not some where over the rainbow

September 16, 2012 - 3:49pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I have the same problem with the lady above the only thing is that I've never said no to sex with my boyfriend and even if I can't have sex I will please him in other ways but than that all came to a hault. Now we go 1 month to 2 months without having any sex I'll try by making dinner, dessert and dressing in lingerie yet he will still say something like I'm sorry it's not the right time of day or I'm to tired. I have been rejected more times this year than we have had sex I literally can count how many times we've had sex on one hand... I'm 25 and I don't understand what's going on I ask him about it and he says it's not you its me I'm just stressed but this has been happening ever since I got pregnant with our son and I didn't gain any weight after the pregnancy I'm the same size as I was 120 pounds... It's extremely frustrating and I really feel like he's just not sexually attracted to me anymore...

August 21, 2016 - 10:47am

i'm really sorry to hear what your going through, you are not crazy just disrespected by the sounds of it. if i were you i would work on my self image as well as talk to your partner, nothing beats communication and trust when it comes to a relationship, i would express myself to your partner about what you feel in your desires that are lacking and even ask him if he is okay, you never know (maybe he is stressed or even embarrassed about his own body in ed) as for the porn watching, at his age he should be over it by now, especially since he is with you, seriously if he fails to even listen to you, your signs are obvious...

December 29, 2011 - 11:19am
EmpowHER Guest

Look up porn addiction. This could be the main cause of why he no longer desires you. When you look at porn and are constantly turned on by flawless, young, (unreal) images of sex and women, relating to a real woman becomes difficult. Porn is one of the leading causes these days of relationship breakdowns.

December 7, 2011 - 1:27am

i am 17 i dont know what you going through but im dating this guy for 3years and 3months to be exact and i thing that i have learned that if you not looking your best or have gained weight guys dont actually care i mean if that is the case and your man is looking for perfection then he is not worth it, because you should be perfect in his eyes! if he is watching porn he will most likly cheat on you as watching somethin or like we say in school today "looking at the menu just you have to eat at home" it the same story when you look for something you dont have then you want a taste of something new... i know you may think he is amazing but there are guys out there that will appreciate you for you!!! but if yourealy love him then dont give up hope!

October 9, 2011 - 6:42am
EmpowHER Guest

Join a weight loss program. Join any atheletic club and do exercise.

Women think that physical fitness helps draws close to men but men needs emotional connection too. So try to develop the connection with him. I feel that catch him keep him by christ carter and mort fertel marriage fitness programs are the best. Focus on yourself first. If he is the right one he would change and if he is not then let him go out of your life, you will find the best.

Last but not least Love covers everything.

October 4, 2011 - 7:34am

There are many issues in your relationship that need to be addressed and corrected. Sex or the lack of having sex is the one which you are focusing on. To me, it appears that your boyfriend has lost interest in you, is manipulative and is not about to change. Is this relationship worth saving?
I don't know, I think you need to step away. Start taking care of yourself by losing weight and developing a strong body image and level of self-esteem.


October 3, 2011 - 3:06pm

I must add that 95% of the time when we do have sex it is because I initiated it. There are times I even try to "bargin" for sex and there are times he promises sex and then when it comes times he will come up with any excuse to not have sex. I usually end up just rolling over and crying myself to sleep.
Just this week he wanted to buy a new motorcycle (with me co-signing) and I told him if we got it he would have to have sex with me several times a week. He laughed and said whatever. I also requested celebratory sex cause I won back all the money we lost at the casino and he laughed then decided he wanted to stay longer and kept me there til 3:30 am knowing I would be too tired when we got home.

October 3, 2011 - 12:30pm
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