I have always thought of myself as a very outgoing, confident and fun person. In fact people would say 'everything you touch turns to gold' or 'you always land on your feet' but over the last few years, due to unforseen circumstances, a number of difficult things have happened to me and have brought about periods of crying, depressive thoughts, pain, and generally feeling out of sorts. I lost my much loved job around 9 months ago and have been struggling to get work ever since. I am putting myself through rejection after rejection in interviews and each time this has knocked my confidence. I have also been quite poorly. I have endometriosis and sometimes experience terrible pain (which grinds you down) and I had surgery last month to remove it. I also had another surgery last summer to address the pain. I dont seem to get any medical guidance in understanding what is going on with my body and I wonder if the hormonal imbalance is affecting these depressive moods. I have also experienced pain in my vagina (not sure if this is endometriosis or hormones, this doesnt affect my sex life but puts an added strain on things) But I wanted to ask about my mental health.I have definately lost my confidence, I always felt attractive (got plenty of attention from men) but that has gone and now I dont like looking at myself in the mirror. I regularly feel low and cry and cry (sometimes not quite sure why) but I kind of feel out of control with it. A bit like the day before your period when your hormones are making you feel low and sensitive and you cant control how you feel emotionally. Everyone around me is worried, my mum constantly checks in and asks if I 'am better' now but I know that I am still stuck in this dreadful state of lowness. I have lost energy and struggle to get out of bed, absolutely love sleeping and taking baths as this is the only time I can escape the torment. I have a wonderful boyfriend who supports me but I live in fear that he will leave me because my life has turned so crap. He met me at my most confident, attractive in a high flying job and it must be tough seeing me on the sofa crying when he gets in from work.
What is this that I am experiencing? My GP says I am being silly and just a little stressed but I'm not right and have been like this for some time now. How do I get better? Do our bodies react like this when under stress? How do I know if this is proper depression? I'm desperate to get back to my old self :( Can anyone offer any advice?
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