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How do you overcome the Bachelor Party?

By Anonymous November 1, 2008 - 4:47pm
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I attended a wedding last week that was fulfilling, loving and as always full of drama. I actually knew both parties the bride and the groom. The bride approaches me at the reception to tell me that her now husband had a bachelor party and that she was very upset since that is all she heard about from his friends at the reception. I know that many women have bachelor party issues and was wondering if anyone had any stories to share? How did you deal with the bachelor party issue?

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I wonder if, truth be told, more bachelor and bachelorette parties are the way they are because of peer pressure? Especially the ones that focus on going wild, the "last night of freedom," all that. Usually that kind of party is planned by a person's friends, and I wonder if they get out of hand in an effort to be "legendary" in the future, almost.

Which isn't an excuse. My fiance and I skipped the parties, too -- they seemed silly when we had family in town that we wanted to see. If a person is adult enough to get married, they should be adult enough to be able to specify what they do and don't want in terms of celebration. But then, we also have a 50% divorce rate in this country, so maybe it's not surprising that there are some communication and commitment issues from the getgo.

November 3, 2008 - 10:01am

My husband and I were older (read: not in our 20's; him not even in his 30's!) when we wed, and did not have a bachelor/bachlorette party, either. We did not have the feeling or need to be surrounded by opposite sex naked people to feel like we were making the right decision with each other. I agree---it is truly silly and hurtful to the relationship!

On the night before our wedding, we wanted to see each other! We went out with other "coupled" friends and did some salsa dancing. Our friends tried their best to embarrass each of us, which was fun because we were able to partake in the other's fun. Drinks were had, but not too many--we wanted to be alert for our wedding day!

I attended a bachlorette party for one of my girlfriends, and there was no activities or events that took place that were potential relationship/marriage-killers. It was an evening spent having fun and drinking and embarrassing the bride-to-be; I thought that the stereotypical bachelor party was going out of style, or was changing to be more respectful towards women. Wishful thinking.

I agree with Susan: I would honestly be worried about marrying a man who thought something like that was "fun, wanted and necessary", because those feelings are not going to change just because he has a piece of metal on his finger. Why start off a marriage with hurt feelings and distrust?

November 2, 2008 - 2:47pm
HERWriter Guide

Never understood them. I do understand heading out with friends of the same sex, for a night of fun on the town before getting married.

But many, many bachelorette/bachelor parties are not like that. I've never understood how grown men and women felt the need to drink themselves into oblivion and hire strippers to strip naked in front of them and throw their dignity out the window in some odd effort to have a final night of debauchery before they wed - IF they know their partner would not be happy with it. If everyone is fine with it and on the same page, then who am I to say? But the fact remains that most partners are not happy with the outcome of these nights. Many a video or photo has surfaced of the happy bride or groom-to-be, behaving in such an embarrassing and none-too-faithful manner on their night out right before the wedding day.

Why do people behave in that way (like the groom and his friends at your recent wedding) a week or two before they vow to honor, cherish and remain faithful to another person? Boggles my mind. If we don't honor and cherish before marriage, it's not going to suddenly start because we have a ring on our finger.

November 1, 2008 - 5:13pm
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