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How to handle my abusive situation

By Anonymous May 25, 2015 - 8:12am
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were do I start? My relationship has not been an easy one really from the start. I new that he came from a very dysfunctional family and that he had so many things done to him to hurt him in his life. So I guess from him being hurt but wanted all these good things in life to feel lived and cared for and I new how that felt coming from a bad past myself. We were both abandoned with kids to figure out on our own . He was not working at the time but taking care of his grandmother while she was sick and caring for his son full time. In the beginning there were lots of flags I could say. I felt like he was always pushing me to do better and to learn to protect myself that's one thing I fell in li ve with. After a while it started to feel like nothing was good enough and it felt like I couldn't parent right he couldn't stand anything my daughter would do. there was many times he tried to leave and take a break is what he would say. Then after a couple years and his grandmother past. He picked a really big fight with me and through my stuff in the drive way. He called my daughter names to me at times. So he moved to were he could get a good job. Then 4 month later after we had been apart. He calls me out of the blue and tells me he's been working and going to therapy and on some medicine. How sorry he was and how I was the love of his life and talked with my daughter about being there for her more. I was just about to move in to my own place I had just got a great job but I chose him and moved to be with him. About two months I started to really hate how I was feeling and I didn't understand why I wasn't happy. We then took custody of his daughter from another previous marriage. About another two to three months things really started to get harder. here I have beginning of a teenager who hasn't spent much time with her dad in her life and who's jealous lies manipulative what to do I didn't notice it was even happing and her dad was getting upset with me for not being harder on her. So I tried to be harder on her. And that made things worse. Two and half years later I feel so trapped I can work because every time I did he would complain it was a crapy job and the kids needed me. But if I wasn't working and helping I would hear about that to. I couldn't shop good enough so he would go with me at times . He is good with money but he would keep all the money and say he pays and takes care of things so I shouldn't need money if I want money go get a job. But I all ready new how that went. The kids would think that I didn't care and that I was always telling them no when they would want something. They didn't understand that I didn't have money. When I would get them a treat and try to do a picnic or something I

would be told why are you spending the food money like that. And I would get them a donut or icecream which rarely happend I would get told that's just great your giving them suger again there teeth will fall out. But then he would the next week Bring home pizza and pies . So many things. Now getting to the present thing couple of months ago he started cheating on me and I new for a while that there were signs and I don't no why I ignore it when I catch him lieing. He has tortured me in so many ways. I was very sick with the flu that the kids came home with he goes out and gets them stuff to feel better and with me knowing I have a bad immune system I was very sick for a week and lost 15 20 pounds he never looked at me never talkes to me only if he needed something. He used his daughter to look for a new girlfriend having her take pictures of women when she was in Hawaii on vacation with her mom. Always showing the kids how to disrespect others and play mind games. Thats stressed me out try to correct that behavior. He would sneak around and go out the garage with his daughter and text his girlfriend and then a couple times he had takin only his kids to see her. While I was trying to figure things out and tell him that I would forgive him if he called this women in front of me and said it was over I messed up . And that he needed to change facebook and such and go to counselling. He then said I will call her but not with you in the phone and I said that won't work. He became more angry and and continued to do cruel things. Pushing me to leave with nothing anything I bought he said prove it. I really had no were to go. I ended up now staying with a lady that I worked with for a short while thank you lord for her kind hart. He then moved his girlfriend in to my house. But after a couple of weeks he would randomly text me. Then last week he said told knows that he is a messed up person. And that he told her that she can't live there so she's gone but her stuffs still there. he is telling me that he can be better that he is deeply in love with me and how he is so sorry he what's to out me first. But then I keep catching him in lies and he still say things he feels trapped he said his daughter says she will move with her mom if I come back and his son supposably cried when he was told tge the girlfriend wasn't going to live there and he wasn't going to have a brother. Why would he tell me that. Doesnt he see that he put his kids in this place he is different when he's by his self he lets the kids do things thay if he was with someone they would get yelled at for. But I'm the bad guy. I do no I hold on to things maybe I did try to constantly pic fights with him. I don't no but I keep trying figure out what I did that mad things just to keeo getting worse. Why does he only think of him self and trys to hurt me the one person that gave him so much respect and llove I feel ?

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EmpowHER Guest

Oh I forgot to mention after telling me that he deeply loved me and wanted me to come home to my house he then had things like its going to take time because of his kids and I said I wanted her stuff gone And I felt like he wasn't really what he wanted. Again why would he tell me that kids don't want me there and how he has to think ofbthem and there moms. He told me he was going to make his kids go to my church on a fri he had to go out of town sat then sun he would go to church didnt hear anything from him tell I texted him on sun he said still outbof town that's it. Then his excuse was he was sick. I have not heard from him now over a week ago. That doesn't seem like deeply love to me.

May 25, 2015 - 8:29am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

My goodness, Anon, this jerk is playing you like a piano! 

What on earth are you thinking? Dump this fool and begin a new life; he contributes nothing to your life.  Get a job, get a safe but cheap place to live and don't look back. Don't tell yourself a hundred reasons why you can't - you can. One more day of this nonsense is one day too much. He doesn't love you and he's probably with another woman right now. 

Get rid of him. 



May 25, 2015 - 9:15am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

I just wish I new why he is that way. What seems to incourage that behaviors. Some times it feels like he has two personalitys and it gets hard for him to control it. Is he that good at mind control our so I really just love him that much ? I've never given any one else this many chances. I keep thinking I naged him to to death or something instead of dealing with things better.

May 25, 2015 - 3:41pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Unfortunately, it really doesn't matter why he is this way - he just is. Some people are just jerks and most people are wonderful. In the end, it doesn't matter. It's not your job to figure him out. 


May 25, 2015 - 3:56pm
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